Dear Miss Emily:

Hello, I'm 19 and I recently moved to Chicago, single and ready for college.  My first week here I met an amazing guy.  We had a small group of friends and it stayed this way for about two months.  We both knew that we liked each other.  We've been dating for seven months and I love him with all of my heart. Our families love us together and everything seemed to be perfect.  We've had fights throughout the whole seven months, nothing too serious and it was always solvable.  Recently we've been becoming distant.  It started slowly and I thought that like all of our other problems it could be solved...until he broke up with me.  It was out of the blue and utterly heart-wrenching.  He switches back and forth to being caring and understanding to a rude jerk that ignores every kind thing that I have to say.  I've tried talking to him about our problems and how I want to solve them.  I've told him how much I care and how much I love him.  But just when I seem to be getting somewhere, he switches and goes back to being mean.  Neither of us has been seeing anyone else and he has told me that he does still care for me.  I want him back and I want it to happen before we go home from the summer.  How can I get him back?  I have tried everything in my power to explain to him my thoughts and emotions but I seem to be getting no where.  It's like talking to a stone wall.  Please help me to get my boyfriend back.

-----------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------

Sadly, you seem to think this is all up to you, and if you just had the right words or the secret code to getting him back, that would be all that matters.  But it isn't, and maybe I can shed some light on this for you.  There may be myriad reasons why he broke up with you, and one might be that he sees you have, emotionally, suffocated him.  By the tone of your letter, you seem to think that as long as you love him, and you have the idea that you two are perfect for each other, all he needs is a little more coaxing to get him to see the error of his ways.  Well, it doesn't work that way and, if you really think hard about it, would you want to be with someone whom you had to persuade to love you?  Leave him alone.  I don't mean you have to stop seeing him, but back on on the sell job.  You're both young, and there might be an element to his not wanting to be serious at this tender age.  The harder you try, the more desperate you appear.  If you back off, you'll give him a chance to think about the decisions he has made and the consequences.  If you are smart, you wouldn't want it any other way, no matter how this turns out.