Hi, Miss Emily:
 
I'm stuck in quite a complicated situation. I was in a 5 year relationship with a guy who was my friend for almost 10 years - it wasn't the perfect relationship but we sure did love each other and would do anything for one another. We legally got married June '07, the church wedding was to follow a year after, but decided to go through the legal marriage so that we could speed up the process of his citizenship - and though some people might think we got married because of this - please keep in mind that we were already together for a long time and using me for that reason was not the issue. The thing is, a couple of months after we got married he started messing around with another woman. He says he did this cuz in a year we would really be "married" and would have to be good - so I broke up with him because what he did was just wrong - he tried to get back with me but I said I didn't want to deal with him - when he stopped trying to get back with me, I tried to get back with him - that made me realize that maybe me being selfish drove him away... so it's been almost a couple of years and I'm in a new relationship - I got into another relationship quite fast, because the only thing that helped me get over him was a new guy - and this guy has also been a long time friend of mine so we feel very comfortable with each other - and I know that he genuinely cares for me and loves me. I have been with this guy for a year and a half, now, and we've been living together for almost 8 months. I did learn to love him after time.  My problem, here, is that I don't love my boyfriend the way I love my ex, and I know my ex still loves me but just isn't ready to settle down. Regarding my petition that I was supposed to do for my ex,  I'm not quite sure if I should still follow through with that, or if I should file for a divorce - I know it's crazy to think that I'd help my ex after what happened - but even though we're not together, I still want what's best for him, and I want him to be happy...  and I want to be happy too.  But I'm not so happy with my boyfriend now - but I love him too... as you can tell my heart and my brain are just all tangled up... maybe you can give me some clarity?

------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------

You seem to live your emotional life like a rolling stone -- rolling into one situation or another, without any closure to where you have been nor a clear plan to where you are going -- but you know that.  It's time to make a decision about how your want to proceed with your ex on issues of citizenship. Because you still care for him so deeply, you wouldn't want to jeopardize his chances of citizenship, but your current status with him might have already set the stage. Getting citizenship in the U S is not as easy as if used to be, pre 9/11, and the fact that you have been separated (after only two months of marriage) and living at two different addresses (despite still being legally married) may hamper the progress --  unless, of course, you two are mindful of this and have been covering these tracks.  Divorcing him creates a problem, because you might have to be married for 5 years before your ex can apply for citizenship using the marriage as a basis for the petition.  Maybe it's time to see an immigration attorney to get these questions answered.  I think you realize, despite loving you ex, trust would continue to be a huge issue if you were together. You rely a little too much on those rose-colored glasses you wear!  He might just be the kind of man who can never be faithful.  You rolled into the path of your present boyfriend, and he filled a void, but it probably feels a little like living with a brother.  It's unfair to him, because he can't possibly know how you truly feel -- and that is the part of you that is selfish.  It wasn't, however, selfish when you broke off with your ex over his infidelity -- unless you are referring to a side of your personality I am unaware.  Maybe you think that, now, because if you take the blame for letting him go, it makes it easier for you to rationalize your feelings for him and why he cheated on you.  It's time to take full responsibility for your feelings, and make some tough decision.  I know you don't see it, presently, but this is a time in your life, not what you will be living the rest of your life -- hopefully! You realize what needs to be done, so do it!  Dragging your feel on this should no longer be an option, because it makes you look like an airhead, and weak of character.