Dear Miss Emily:

How can I make my fiance happy again? Too many people
close to him have passed away this year, and he is too
depressed. How do I change that?
Need Direction

----------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------


Dear Need Direction:

You don't mention the age of your fiance, and it is difficult
to understand why people close to him are passing away. In a
general sense, losing anyone we care about is emotionally
draining. We go through several phases of dealing with it,
and depression is one of those phases. We question life as
we know it, our own mortality and purpose in this world. These
are all natural feelings and, in time, if we progress normally,
learn that it is something we cannot control and adjust to this fact.
If he is not moving on in a reasonable fashion, he should
seek help with a therapist to figure out why he remains
troubled. However, many people will not seek help or take
medication to get them over the hump. If this is true for your
man, patience and understanding is required. If he does not
improve, in time, I would hold off marriage until you can be
sure that there are not deeper emotional issues at stake. Life
can be exceedingly hard, but we are here, for better or worse,
and when things are good, it is important to revel in the
moment. Try to make him see this with the plans you have for
a successful marriage. Focus on developing an intimacy that
allows each of you to share your feelings without fear of
reprisal. Building a lasting trust will insure future
happiness. Hopefully, your fiance is up for the joy that this
type of relationship can bring. If you sense he is not, well,
you know what I am trying to say. I need not elaborate.