Dear Miss Emily:

Hi, I am going to be 20 years old and  am currently friends with benefits with this guy and have been for almost 3 years.  He used to treat me great but now he hardly has time to see me. We both go to the same college (I'm a sophomore and he's a senior), and I understand he has a lot of work and we see each other about once a week.  I just get this feeling he doesn't want to be around me.  I have spoken to him about this and he keeps telling me I'm being crazy and that I'm wrong and he's just busy. When we do see each other it's nice and we both have a good time. It's like things are back to normal. I just wish I could see him more often. No matter what I do consider him a close friend.  I have also been feeling like I'm growing up and I think I am ready for a real relationship, but this guy doesn't really like relationships and I'm beginning to want one. I just feel like no one will want to be with me, which is a whole other issue.  I'm just scared and I don't know what to do anymore.

--------------------Miss Emily’s advice------------------

A friends with benefits relationship is rarely black and white, and when one party gets restless and wants more, that’s when it’s a good idea to formulate a new plan and follow through on it. You seem to think that you are ready for a real relationship, and it’s unlikely that he’ll step up to fulfill that need.  I’m not sure why you believe no one else would want to be with you – this guy did, and I don’t think he would have invested three years with you if you were not worthy on several levels.  It's time to stop showing your insecurity with this guy.  He’s handling this FWB relationship the ways he wants – no commitment -- which you signed-up for, as well.  There's no point in being needy, now.  My opinion: Getting into this type of relationship, for this long, means you are either stuck in a rut -- or you have no imagination.  Start getting involved with other social activities and open yourself up for new beginnings. Your FWB won’t mind.  After all, he’s a busy senior making plans for his future.