Dear Miss Emily:

I am a twenty year old female. I have been dating my twenty-seven year old boyfriend for just over 8 months.  We have never really had any real problems that we couldn't get over until now.  Well, actually we've just ignored all of our problems until now, but it is getting too hard to just ignore.  He has always flirted with other girls and joked about having sex with them.  The flirting has never really bothered me and when he found out that I didn't like the joking he quit.  However, what bothers me about the flirting is he always says he wasn't flirting he was just being nice (winking at girls and eating out of their hands while ignoring me seems to be a little more than just being nice in my opinion).  Anyway it finally got to the point where he broke up with me because as he said "I don't trust him and I'm insecure."  Well, we got back together after only a day and I told him it wasn't the flirting it was the lack of sharing.  I feel if he lies to me then there must be something to hide, but if he tells me then I know everything and we're okay.  Well, ever since then he still keeps bringing it up and we've been fighting ever since.  He gets mad at everything I do or say, and I don't understand why.  He sends me so many mixed signals.  One minute he tells me that he doesn't want to see me, or doesn't have time for me, then when we get into a fight he says he loves me and wants to work things out.  I've been trying to work things out with him, and I try to tell him we need to communicate more and talk out our problems but he doesn't ever want to listen to me. The only way I've been able to get him to listen is by doing whatever he does to me back to him.  I know that's not good and it is immature, but it is the only thing that actually gets through to him.  How can I save this relationship or is it even worth saving?

--------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------

My opinion?  I don't think the relationships is worth saving.  First of all, the fact that he flirted with other women, winking, etc., was outrageously disrespectful to you.  Who or what does he think he is?  I mean, other than an egomaniac (and a dirtbag). You may be insecure, but I can understand why.  I'd feel pretty lousy about myself, too, if I were out with my boyfriend and he paid attention to every woman in the room, but me. Yes, I get it that he backed off, but only because he thinks he did it for you and not because he realized it was thoughtless, rude and arrogant.  And you are right, giving him a taste of his own medicine is not the best way to handle it, but I know the temptation to do it.  However, it doesn't feel honest and right for you and, ultimately, it's a temporary fix.  Don't plead your case anymore with him, it's demeaning.  And forget trying to communicate.  He isn't of that mindset, because he would rather make you feel inadequate and defensive than face the truth. Say good-bye, and if he's all right with it, good.  If he's not, watch out for false promises.  You've been down that road before and, now, it's time to take a detour. There must be other guys out there who aren't testosterone poisoned to this degree.  He needs detox!