Dear Miss Emily:

I have been in my current relationship for a year-and-a-half.  We seem to keep running into the same issues over and over again. WHEN THINGS ARE GOOD THEY'RE GREAT, BUT WHEN THEY’RE NOT, IT SEEMS TO BE EXTREME! When we finally started dating, I was living with an ex (she and I were better off friends as we knew this so that is what it was). Things were fine until my, now, gf moved in. She woke up and saw her and I sitting on the couch watching a movie (with us sitting on opposite ends of the couch), and from there it was 'you’re cheating." Then we got our own place, then it was a problem that I was talking with another ex (but had no contact in person). Now it is a friend of mine who’s straight, and I am not. My gf knows that she likes men, but says that’s what you say, and doesn't want me to see her by myself.  I feel that it seems to be if it's not one person it will be another that I cannot see.  She makes statements like "I want to spend all my time with you.....you get your alone time when at work......I just don't want to be away from you." I know she's been cheated on in her past, but this can't be normal!  I am independent and like my alone time and time alone with my friends.
1. She claims she trusts me just not my friend.  Doesn't that really fall on my being trustworthy, not my friend?
2. Why would she be this jealous of a girl who doesn't even like the same gender as me (I only see her maybe once a month if I'm lucky)?
3. Do people with this behavior ever change?
4. Am I wrong for wanting alone time away from her?
5. She feels that I should let her read my texts, emails and such, and I feel that it is not her business who I talk with and when.
6. How can I get her to understand that it's her that I want, not anyone else and (I'm tired of proving that month after month)to trust my judgment? I know this is hard, but I really need advice. Ask any background question you need to know.
Me: I am stubborn and learned to be on my own. I don't feel I should give up my friends, whom I've known longer, for her.  Is that bad too?

--------------------------Miss Emily’s advice--------------------

Gay or straight, possessiveness/control over another person’s life is usually a result of deep-seated insecurity.  In other words, “I need you to love me more than I love myself, and I will ask you to sacrifice what you hold dear to prove it to me.” You have to make a choice on what you can sacrifice in your life that won’t leave you angry, resentful and sorry down the line that you did all this --  not because you wanted it, but because you were too cowardly to set down reasonable expectations for this relationship and follow through with them.  Do people with this behavior ever change?  It’s possible, but unless that person is willing to get to the root of the problem, it can mean a lifetime of denial and an ability to develop stronger defense mechanisms.  Trust is a two-way street, and it means that a person has a right to alone time, maintain private e-mails/texts, and keep friends without fear of reprisal.  I think the best relationships are with those whom you have the most interests and some common traits.  If you want to maintain your friendships and have the freedom to be you, I don’t think it is going to be with this person.  Life is too short to stay in a relationship that has you walking on pins and needles.  No relationship is perfect, but unless this girl is willing to trust you, until you have broken that trust, you are unlikely to see much change.  Your being stubborn, and learning to live on your own should not be character flaws, unless it is irrational behavior that alienates others, and is detrimental to your well being. Only you can decide that.