Dear Miss Emily:

I met this guy online almost a year ago and, who was, and is  kind of long distance from me (2 hours). Online there was an instant connection between us and so we took things to telephone. He'd wanted to meet me, from as early as two weeks of knowing me, however I just couldn't pluck up the courage to meet him for a long time and it was after a good 8 months of chatting via phone, that I did find the courage and we did finally meet.  We met three months ago and I was so nervous on the date, that I'd thought I'd made a fool of myself and that I wouldn't hear from him again.  However, he'd called the next day...then a few days afterwards and we talked about the date, he said he'd thought it had gone well and that he couldn't wait to see me again. Meantime, he continued to call everyday and still does...he always initiates these calls and never a day goes by when he doesn't call.  The thing is, it's now been nearly three months since I saw him and there have been no concrete plans for a second date.  He talks about coming back, but is failing to follow it through. I know he is financially in a bad place at the moment, and he blames lack of money as to why he hasn't been back, but I'm not sure he is being honest.  I'm of the mindset that if this was a guy who was really 'into' me, he'd have been back to see me and long before's been three months!!!!!  I'm thinking that if this was a guy who was truly into me, and despite what he says, he would want to pursue things further in the real world, he would feel a strong need to be physically close to me and not keep me as a 'phone buddy'...because that is what I feel like.  He is talking the talk....saying he loves me, he misses me, can't wait to see me, the distance between us kills him, etc, etc...but the guy is just not walking the walk. All talk and no action....I'm thinking that this guy could be simply stringing me along, perhaps because he's merely bored and perhaps until he finds something better or something he perceives as better to come along.  I've hung on for so long, because I keep hoping he is going to prove me wrong and follow another meeting through. But it's been 3 months now....and I'm fast giving up hope.

-----------------------Miss Emily’s advice--------------------

This is perplexing, because I can’t see the reason why he would be putting in so much time on the phone, but not set up a second date to see you.  I’ve been to your country, and the train system is pretty fast and cheap, and getting together shouldn’t be a costly venture.  But I’ll explore one possibility:  This money problem is worse than you've been told, and he’s embarrassed to let you in on it.  If you two were to start seeing each other, on a regular basis, you’d find out about how bad his financial situation really is, and any other part of his life that he’s hiding – say, he lives with his mom and dad; he’s on state aid – any number of reasons. You didn’t mention his or your age, but the older he is, this type of arrangement could be a source of shame. “I love you, I miss you, and I can’t wait to see you,” are odd things to say when no action is taken.  I mean, even if pride were an issue, and he is financially strapped, with that kind of talk, and all the time he has spent on the phone with you, he should trust you by now.  You put him off for 8 months, and that doesn’t seem all that okay, either.  That smacks of tremendous insecurity on your part.  That said, I think it’s time you ask him to set something up with you, soon. (If you are incapable of doing this, I'd ask myself, why?)  Reassure him that if money is the real problem, you can think of something to do that won’t break the bank. If he gets “pissy” or defensive, I think you have a phone mate who has a screw loose, and you should spend your time on more fruitful endeavors.  The situation, as it is, is just too weird.