Hello Miss Emily!

 Ok, so here's my issue. I've been thinking about getting back together with my ex, but there's a high chance he’s also dating another girl. When my ex and I first got together, the other girl was already his "friend," but I was suspicious from day one. There always were rumors about the two of them [but most were heard from known liars], so that didn't quite help anything.  My ex and this girl ride everywhere.  He had his license suspended, so he spent equal time with the both of us. My ex is an alcoholic, and so is this girl.  Every time they spent time together, he'd get trashed, he would have to drive, then he'd get DWI's constantly. So putting all the bad influencing she did – and I’m not saying he shouldn't be held responsible for his own actions because he’s a grown man, but she wasn't helping his problems. He and I broke up while he was in prison about 6 months ago but, before that time, we wrote to each other, and he told me this girl was visiting him and put money on his books etc., so that pissed me off a little bit.  But we ended up breaking up due to the fact one of my very close friends, that knows this other girl, told me that my ex and this girl were engaged.  I've confronted him many times about the entire situation, but he still swears they’re "just friends."  I’m in love with him and I want to trust him, but my intuition is telling me not to. And I can only spy and dig so deep and, so far, everything I've tried has gotten me nowhere.  I can't just get over him and move on.  I need to know the truth, or else I won’t have closure. I’m at the point of not being mad anymore, I’m just sad that he's not being truthful. What would you do in my situation? Thank You.

---------------------Miss Emily’s advice----------------

I think your situation is dreadful.  When I read a letter like yours, from a person who seems intelligent, I want to laugh or cry – or both!  Laugh, because it is  absurd to think you are in love with this loser (and you want to trust him), and cry – because well, you think you’re in love with this loser.  If his being an alcoholic, in prison, and having this other girl in his life aren’t reasons for you to end this relationship, I don’t know what I can tell you that would shed any great light on the subject. You seem to want to paint him as being led around by his nose and, possibly, being a victim of those who would lie to hurt him.  Sure, you say he’s responsible for his actions, but you are looking for reasons to excuse his unfortunate, self-destructive behavior.  And you feel sorry for him.  He’s an alcoholic, and they are to be pitied.  But alcoholics drag others down with them.  Alcohol is not offered in prison, and this is usually when alcoholics, temporarily, “see the light.”  But in truth, whether his behavior is a result of his alcoholism or not, he’s really a class-A, B S’er and, deep down, you know it.  In fairness to you, we all want to believe and trust – it’s human nature, but this borders on insanity.  Let me end with this:  If someone were to tell you there are two choices you can make – and they are:   Stand on a railroad track and get run over by a moving train, or step off the track and save your life, which would you choose?  But you know, after reading your letter, I’m not really sure what you would do – and, to me, that’s scary.