Dear Miss Emily:

My girlfriend broke up with me after three years. A few days before we split, she had said some nasty things to me when we began discussing our relationship and then expected me to fight for our relationship and tell her I loved her. Because I did not, she took it the wrong way and finished with me asking me not to contact her again. She was clearly still in love with me and was very upset.  I tried to text her and email but to no avail. I then decided to send her a letter to her work. This is where things turned a bit sour. She got her brother to try and contact me about the letter and he accused me of harassment. I apparently almost made her lose her job because of it, and she had to go home because she was in tears over the letter despite the letter being perfectly nice and a final closure to our relationship. The day after I sent the letter to her, relationship status changed online to “in a relationship.” Then 3 days after that, a lad’s name appeared up. She then began her games. She text my nan asking to go visit her. 4 weeks after that, she actually visited my nan in person with my cousin. For those 4 weeks leading up to the actual meet up, she had been playing games via facebook sending deliberate messages to my cousin for me to see. A few days after she visited my nan, my cousin asked me if  my ex could have my email so she could have a proper conversation with me.  When we spoke, she was being nice and friendly to begin with asking about me and my family. She then moved onto other things about our split. She asked me why I gave up on her so easily. She then bought up her apparent new boyfriend and my not being jealous.  I told her that I am happy for her and that he is nice lad. She clearly didn't like this. I told her that I am seeing other people. After that comment she went cold and not much more was said in the convo – then all of a sudden she stormed offline and her new boyfriend emailed me accusing me of harassment and wanting my ex back –   yet she contacted me, and I never said I wanted her back. My ex also emailed and said that she never wants to speak to me again. I am so confused! What was her game? Do you think she was seeing if I still had feelings for her, but because I acted like I didn't she got upset? If she had a boyfriend now why would she visit my nan still, and want to talk to me?
Dumbfounded

-------------------------Miss Emily’s advice-------------------        

Dear Dumbfounded:

Does it matter if she was seeing if you still had feelings for her?  The question is:  Do you have feelings for her?  And if so, why the passive attitude?  This whole situation is insane, and by your continuing to get involved in it on this level, it makes me think you want to still be a player in this game. She broke up with you because she wasn’t getting what she wanted out of the relationship, but hoped you would suddenly see the error of your ways, profess undying love, and become the man she wants you to be.  After three years together, you’d think she would have known you better than that. Whether you believe her demands were unreasonable or not, you simply were not able to jump through the necessary hoops to make her happy.  As time went on, the relationship probably played out like a tug-of-war.  Her tactic appear useless and show signs of desperation and mental instability.  If your letter is for real, and she actually is doing what you say she is doing, it is time for you to cut off all contact with her and no longer engage her in any correspondence.  Being accused of harassment is a reach.  It is only harassment if you are seeking her out, and she had seriously wished to left alone.  Otherwise, these are emotional “game moves” on both your parts, but there are no winners.  Cut her out of your life now, or take responsibility for your role in this mess.  She can’t let go, but you can if you cherish your sanity and truly no longer wish to be part of her life. Make up your mind!