Dear Miss Emily:

Ok, so I'm pretty much stuck with this dilemma. I have a boyfriend of 4 years which I am very much in love with. We are your typical good girl/ bad boy couple. “T” has come a very long way from when we first met.  He's gone from stealing cars, robbing old ladies(not really), selling and smoking marijuana, drinking etc.,  to just drinking on occasion, going back to church, college, and I feel like I have played a big role in his life changing decisions (I really do.)  Now I say maybe Oct. of 08', all of the things he did in his past basically caught up with him and he ended up being put in jail.  He was there off and on for about two and a half months.  While he was locked up, I began realizing and asking myself, "Can I handle this?  Do I deserve better?"  I started meeting new people and kind of entertaining other guys.  I met up with a an old friend from back when I was an 8th grader.  He was a junior in high school . . . let’s call him “F.”  We began hanging out and getting to know each other better and better. There wasn't a day that went by where we were not together. We have so much in common.  He has his head on straight and has something going for himself.  I’m not saying that “T” doesn't, but it took a little longer.  So around Dec., “T” gets out of jail and immediately comes to see me!  I was very excited to see the love of my life, but for some reason not as excited as I felt I should have been. Hmmm
As soon as we parted, I met up with “F” and had a night cap.  “T” would call, and I would ignore the calls.  I was never home, so when he'd popped up at my house, I wasn't there.  “F” basically had all of my attention.  I was pretty much saying "F*** it!!"  After about a month, “T” calls and says: "Babe, I honestly don’t understand what the deal is with you, but you've definitely changed and I don’t like it at all.  You don’t show me any love, now, and I'm moving next week to *****.  I just feel as though I have no need to be here, anymore.  I could have moved a long time ago, but I stayed because I couldn't be without you.  But now I look at it, and it seems you don’t give a damn about me, so why should I stay?  I love you, good-bye." *click*   What should I do?
Stumped

---------------------Miss Emily’s advice-------------------

Dear Stumped:

I see the attraction to “T.”  There’s something intriguing about the bad boy.  And you've got to hand it to him in some respects, because before he was thrown in the slammer, it looked like he was headed in the right direction.  But you know, if you had a lot to do with it, that’s great, but these things have to come to him on his own.  Bettering his own life is good for him whether you are in the picture or not.  This type of guy has a tendency to relapse, especially after they’ve been to jail and get an infusion of what it would be like if they went back to their old habits.  But this time, beat the system.  You are on the right track with “F.” You know you feel personally more complete when you don’t have to always be waiting for the next shoe to drop.  Four years is a long time to spend with someone, but I think it’s time to let him go and do what he’s going to do in the new town.  Consider yourself lucky that it was that easy, rather than him laying a guilt trip that might have pushed you in his direction.  Little is cast in stone, you could meet up again, but I think if you were to go back to him, now, you’d be making a mistake based on what you have told me in your letter.