Dear Miss Emily:

Ok, I need some major help with my boyfriend.  I have been with him 9 years, and we have had our problems.  Sex problems and major trust issues.  Well, recently I signed up for Facebook to get in touch with some old high school buddies.  I also have a friend on there that was my ex's brother.  I was close to him, so I figured it was ok.  Well, my boyfriend found it inappropriate.  I only was friends with him on this site, because we were close before.  I thought it was no big deal -- he thought it was.  So he went and signed up for Facebook and got in touch with an ex-fiance to get me upset and he said "See how it felt?"  I really did not do anything wrong, here, but he does not believe me.  I told him I was going to cancel the Facebook account, which I did, because all of this was not worth it to me. Our relationship was more important. Well, he thought I canceled it to hide something and that is not true at all.  So now he is talking to an ex-fiance, and I don't like it.  How should I handle this?
Sorry Now

-------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------

Dear Sorry:

Nine years with this man should account for more than a cheap "gotcha."  Excuse me, but your boyfriend sounds like a real ass, and a control freak.  But I guess you already know that.  I think you wonder why you've been with him this long, and that's the underlying problem.  If he doesn't trust that you've severed your innocent correspondence with your ex's brother, and he continues to write to the ex-fiance (if indeed, he really is), I'd take a serious look at why you stay with him.  I'm sure, in time, his ex-fiance will get further validation as to why they never married. She dodged a bullet!  But in the meantime, call his bluff. Say nothing more about it, unless he brings it up.  If he does, tell him you realize it's silly to worry that he's corresponding with her. You can, jokingly, add that if they do get back together, you will give him away at the wedding. That should take the wind out of his sails!  He obviously likes to see you sweat.  Don't allow it.  Meanwhile, I'd ask myself these three questions:  Is this a wake-up call?  Should I continue to invest my time with a man who would rather hurt me, than care for me?  And...If he does get back together with his ex-fiance, what should I wear to the wedding?