Dear Miss Emily,
A few months back, I moved to live with my parents, again, after living with friends for the past few years. I am 22. Well, it seems that I'm losing the closeness I once enjoyed with these people who I considered my best friends, as they are right amongst all the other people, and I live kind of far from them now. I believe that change is good, and I have been enjoying having new experiences without them, and having more time to myself. I am fairly sure that their neglect is unintentional as they have very active social lives. But still I feel lonely and I'm doubting whether they value my friendship. They have also, both, on separate occasions talked to me about some bad vibes between my closest friends, and I got the feeling they wanted me to cut one of them off- which is ludicrous as she is a very old friend of mine. I became very defensive as I am sick of always been stuck in the middle and making peace, which always seems to be my role and I figure as long as I am loving toward them both it doesn't matter.  Also I feel resentful toward the distanced friends for patronizing me in this way when they have been less than supportive of me when I've felt excluded. I am undoubtedly a sensitive soul and have tried to rationalize, but I can't stop worrying. Unfortunately, the friend in question does have a habit of falling out with people. Sorry if that was long winded.  Thanks for your help
In The Middle
----------------Miss Emily's advice--------------

Dear In The Middle:

Yes, change is good, but it is also an adjustment that takes time. Your friends lives have not been altered, but yours, and due to circumstances that have changed for you (moving back in with your parents, and the distance), it is easier to feel some sense of alienation.  As far as your dear friend is concerned, the one who is controversial, it is not your role in life to play the mediator, nor placate anyone who chooses to behave in a manner that is not socially acceptable. If this girl has a habit of falling out with people, it is within your power to point out to her that she puts you in a defensive place with your other friends, and that is a posture you will no longer take. When more than one person calls someone an ass, maybe it's time for that person to go out and buy the saddle!  Twenty-two is not too early to realize that you can choose to live your life on your terms, or let those around you pull your strings.  Make every effort to keep good friends close, and let those who are emotionally unstable, or controversial, find their own way.  Everyone has their own likes and dislikes, and there is always going to be some disagreements among friends.  Rational people will always get closer to the truth.  Let everyone know your new position. You will feel liberated, and they will gravitate to the strong, decisive you!