Dear Miss Emily,
I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now, and although he had intimacy issues from being hurt in the past, I have always been there for him, gone at his pace and we are now at a feel good place in our relationship.  He is loving, affectionate and we have a healthy, well rounded relationship in my eyes, expect when the subject of living together came up a month or two ago.  He clearly stated that he was not ready for that step, but he has no problem with me staying with him 4-6 nights a week, cooking for him and having my belongings strung between two homes; which I have already told him places addition stress on me.  But I didn't push the topic because he was happy with other male roommates in his "bachelor pad.”  He’s now in the process of buying his first house, which is an exciting new step, but he hasn’t asked me to move in with him.  I feel hurt by this, and I just feel like he doesn’t want me to be a part of something so huge in his life.  He is in his late 20s and has never owned a home, and only lived with one other woman for a very short period of time.  I can see how it is a big step for him, but I’m left confused.  Do I let it go, even if it really bothers me so I’m not too pushy, or do I readdress the subject and ask him if he’s ready? I just thought if he was he’d say something.  Thanks.
Between homes and confused

--------------------------------Miss Emily’s advice-------------------------

Dear Between:

I definitely wouldn’t push this, because it seems to me, unless this guy is a moron, he knows exactly what he’s doing.  He isn’t ready to have you move in with him on the level you wish.  So far, with his buddies around, and you cooking, it appears he’s doing just fine, thank you very much.  I look at it this way: You can’t put yourself out there doing domestic things, running to and from two homes (and everything else you do for him), and expect his undying loyalty and a free pass to move into his new home.  You did these things, for various reasons, by choice, and you should take a look at that.  If you resent what you do for him, because you think he takes you for granted, lighten you load with him and show more independence.  I would guess he cares deeply for you, but he simply isn’t ready for a commitment of this magnitude.  He told you he’s not ready for this step, and I'd listen to him instead of endlessly yearning for something you want to hear.  If you think he's worth it, cut him some slack, take back some of the power you've given away, and act accordingly.  But in the final analysis, it would be better to cut him loose rather than continue to harbor resentment for his way of thinking.  Then go out and find a man at your level of maturity -- up to speed, so to speak. Good luck on that score!