Dear Miss Emily:              

I have been dating a very wonderful man (he’s 23 and I’m 25), for a little over a year now. I am completely in love with him. We mesh well, we work great as a team, he respects me and loves and adores me as much as I do him. We've been living together for 6 months, now, and it's going fantastic!! (I have never had a 'living together' relationship last for very long)  However, the other night, I had to use his computer because mine was broken. I ended up finding Internet searches for porn. I am not the kind of girl that would normally get squeamish about porn. I look at porn every now and then, and we've watched porn together a couple of times. But he was searching for specific porn. Blond teenagers, preferably having anal sex. I am disgusted, hurt, shocked, appalled, you name it. I am not blond, definitely not a teenager, nor do I like that style of sex. I believe all of the sites are legal, most of them looked like college-girl websites. No way do I believe he was looking at child porn, so don't get me wrong there.  I approached him with my findings and he immediately got defensive. He said that porn is porn. Blond teens anally is the same as red heads orally, it's all the same. I don't understand it. He claims he doesn't fantasize about tiny blond teens, but I feel otherwise. So now that I found this I, again, went on his computer a few weeks later (I know, that is wrong).  I saw that he canceled his membership to a blond  teen porn website. It's good that he canceled it, but why did he have it in the first place? I'm having a really tough time here. When does porn become more than just...general porn? When does it become unhealthy? Or where do I go with these findings? HELP!
Not Blond

------------------------Miss Emily’s advice---------------------

Dear Not Blond:

This is not grounds for tossing him into a ring of perverts.  He’s 23, not 73!  Most people (and those who won’t admit to it are lying and, okay, maybe not my mother) have fantasies, and your boyfriend's would certainly be within normal boundaries and not in the world of Yuck!   In the days before the Internet, a person usually kept those fantasies tucked away in his/her mind, and no one was the wiser.  Porn shops were seedy and frequented by sad, lonely men with no other outlet.  But now that the Internet makes porn accessible to all, and a person’s fantasies can be played-out in front of voyeuristic eyes, it's become a billion dollar industry.  If the real root of this concern of yours is based on insecurity, I would try my hardest to find a place for it and move on with your nice life with this guy or, otherwise, you'll lose it .  After all, he even went as far as to cancel his membership and you still have access to his computer.  He might be lying about the fact that he does have fantasies about teen blond girls and anal sex, but that's not a cardinal sin.  It’s really a private matter, and you should try your level best to keep out of his computer history, unless you think everything you think or do should be posted on the front page of the New York Times.