Hi Miss Emily:

I am a 30 year old mother of 2 that has been with the same man for 14 years but have been married for only five of those years. My husband and I were happy until I became restless and tried to find the only other man I have ever loved after 10 years. I thought knowing that he was alive and O K was enough and, then, I can keep going on. But I didn't find him, he found me instead. Within the 14 years that my husband and I have been together I stepped out on him once, and that was before we got married and it was with this same guy. I told my husband about it and it took a while but we got it together.  Even when I got married, I knew that I was still in love with the other man but I chose to marry anyway.  Now I don't know what to do. I love my husband, and we have two beautiful children together. I don’t want to have an affair, but I want to be with this man and I don’t want to hurt my husband or my children. Help me please.
Beautiful Liar

----------------------------Miss Emily’s advice-----------------------

Dear Beautiful Liar:

People get divorced.  Usually, children are involved, and hearts get broken.  I think you married your husband because you know he is a decent, good man and a fine father to the children. He is the same dependable guy he was, way back when, and he represents stability.  However, staying with him out of obligation and for the sake of the children is not healthy for anyone involved. At 30, you have many years ahead of you living a lie that will be expressed in your day-to-day behavior. Your husband has a right to be with someone who loves him for all the right reasons.  But in order to make the move you wish to make, you must be as sure as you possibly can be that a life with this other man will be all you expect it to be and more.  I know you don’t have a crystal ball, but be aware that your dream of an ideal circumstance with him may not be realized when you have gone through the heartache of breaking up the family you have worked hard to maintain.  If you decide to go ahead with an affair, know that the heady experience can last for a long time, because you see each other in stolen moments and the rigors of every day life are usually absent.  I suggest that you sneak off to counseling before you make any major decision.  A handful of visits should help you build the emotional strength and courage you will need to implement a rational plan that is a solution to this extremely difficult problem.