Dear Miss Emily:

What I am struggling with, right now, is a very strong attraction to my cousin’s wife. As a matter of fact, I’m full on in love with her and she has told me that she loves me too. We have kissed and been very affectionate at times. They have been together for four and a half years.  She has two kids, and none of that bothers me. I mean, if she said she would be with me at this time, I would be there in a heartbeat. And when the moment arose, she was always O K to kiss me. But everyday my heart aches because I can’t be with her the way I want to be.  And I don’t just mean that sexually.  I feel like she wants to do the morally right thing as far as her marriage and kids go, even though she’s told me she doesn’t take back any of the things she said to me – that it was felt on her part too. The answer I always get from her is, “I don’t know what’s going to happen.” Maybe they’ll be together, maybe not.  That’s what she says about her situation. Even though I have no idea what would happen, part of me still wants to wait for her because I seriously just can’t let go of the feeling.  And its worse in other situations when I’m out with the both of them. Just seeing them together, as a couple, makes me wanna kill myself.  I’ve left numerous times, leaving things awkward just because my heart can’t take it. My feelings for her have developed so strongly that I can’t even think straight. And part of why she even succumbed to this is because there’s a huge lack of complimenting and lack of appreciation, and I just think the world of her. So please help figure out what I’m supposed to do here.
Know It’s Wrong

---------------------------Miss Emily’s advice-----------------------

Dear Know:

I could never stake my child’s life on the fact that this wouldn’t work out for the two of you if you were to abandon all reason and, in essence, run away together (with the two kids), but the odds in favor of it working out are slim.  Here’s how I see it.  Passion runs deep.  There are the furtive, romantic moments in the laundry room when no one is looking.  Passion grows to exponentially outrageous proportions and, gee, we were made for each other.  You two think you are being clever by hiding your affection, but the vibes are out there and people begin to notice.  It’s a huge distraction and the pensive moments grow more frequent. You have already had to leave outings with the two of them because, as you say, “Your heart can’t take it.”  Okay, so the heart wants what the heart wants, and this is when plans are discussed and, subsequently, plans fail when the magnitude of the decision you two have made becomes impossible to carry out.  Your cousin's wife has two children?  Is this from a former marriage?  If it is, that makes your plight even greater.  If she is the type of woman who is in love with the idea of being in love, and attention and compliments are the nectar in which she feeds, when the blush is off the rose and the kids are bitchy because you uprooted them and she feels neglected, you are sorry but it doesn’t solve the problems you two have created.  Sometimes life gets in the way of carrying out the fantasy world we envision.  Follow your heart if you will, but be prepared to lose your cousin, and his wife if or when she decides to stay with him because they talked it out, he’s willing to commit to becoming the “super” husband she wants, and you are left with egg on your face and estrangement from the people you love.  Now it’s up to you on what you are supposed to do with this rather delicate situation.