Dear Miss Emily,

I met this girl over a month ago and right off the bat we connected.  We have been spending many days together, and I had her over for Thanksgiving yesterday with the family.  Over 3 weeks ago, we were out and she mentioned that she was dating a man in his late 50s and she's in her early early 20's.  Might I add this man is also married.  When I heard this news, I got a very strong pain in my stomach but couldn't say anything about how I really felt.  I don't think what she is doing right, but it’s not my place to say anything.  She is a wonderful person, and I have never met anyone as beautiful or as fun to be around.  I miss her when we're not together, and I get upset thinking about the situation she is in.  Everyone we hang out with thinks we should be together, but no one knows the situation she is in.  Well, last night, after we spent the whole day together, I decided to tell her that I can't continue to hang out with her because it hurts too much.  We both got pretty upset, and she isn't one to let her feelings out.  Today we were suppose to go to my friend’s wedding and decided it wouldn't be good if we did.  So here I am writing this to you.  I just need to get this out, because I have been in many relationships but never have I felt this strong about someone before.  What do I do?  She is a person who keeps everything to herself and doesn't like to discuss feelings.  She doesn't want anyone to know she is in this relationship, and I just don't know what to do.  I'm a person who needs to talk about my feelings and never keep anything in.  I want to be with her so bad but know she is in this relationship and I don't see this changing anytime soon.  Last but not least we work together.  Please let me know what you think I should do?  Thank you!
Unlucky Guy

-------------------------Miss Emily’s advice-------------------

You did the right thing.  You probably hoped that when you told her you could no longer hang out, under the circumstances, she would tell you she’d dump the Big Guy.  Here’s what I think.  Few women have relationships with married men that age unless there is some financial benefit.  Otherwise, most women in their twenties would be hanging out with guys who have unclogged arteries and muscle tone that hasn’t given way to the force of gravity.  In other words, what he provides, she is unwilling to, or cannot give up.  She’s not obligated to spend too much time with him, because his family comes first, and it frees her to have a life that does not include him.  I respect the fact that you have kept her secret, and it means you are trustworthy.  You make a great friend, that’s for sure!  But again, you pretty much know that despite her good looks and personality,  her baggage is too great, and her emotional distance is a recipe for your continued frustration and heartache.  Believe me, there is more to this girl than meets the eye, and it does not jibe well with your need for an open and honest relationship.  It can’t happen, now, so let it be.