Dear Miss Emily:

I am a 23 year old woman and met this guy at work. It took a while for us to start dating, as I had a boyfriend at that time and he, a girlfriend. We dated none-the-less and not long after that my boyfriend and I broke up. I continued with him. We had our ups and downs but we continued. He is still with his girlfriend and I have had knowledge of this since the beginning. We've been spending lots of time together recently, like almost every weekend and as a result have become very close. We are so good together. We have lots of fun, we a great couple and we make such a great team. I've in the process of falling in love with him, and he also says he loves me too. Basically our relationship has gotten to that point where I feel I can’t stand seeing him anymore. I will never ask him to leave her for me, but I've suggested we break up. He's refusing, and I'm also finding it hard to stick to my decision cause I still love and wanna be with him. I know that our relationship is not right in that he's cheating, but how do I start believing that? Please assist, I wanna be with him but I can’t!!!
Other Woman

---------------------------------Miss Emily’s advice----------------------------

Dear Other:

This girlfriend of his is loyal, to say the least.  He works and then spends most of his weekends with you.  No wonder he can’t part with her.  She’s the most understanding human being in the world!  But that doesn’t help your situation with him, because the problem is with him.  Obviously, there are several reasons why he won’t break it off with his girlfriend, and not one of them is respectable.  You are in a position of feeling not good enough for him to make a clean break with her, and that’s the thing that’s gotta hurt.  If you continue to see him, no matter how alluring he is, you put a stamp of approval on his ability to string two woman along, and he has no reason to become a stand-up guy.  From the tone of your letter, your frustration meter is high, but you haven’t reached a level of true conviction.  Until you are truly ready to trust your instincts and put an end to your role as other woman, the situation is unlikely to change.  Don’t harbor guilt about seeing him behind the back of a woman you don’t even know, because the both of you are in the same, leaky boat. Boy, what a lucky guy he is – two devoted women, and one satisfied ego.