Dear Miss Emily:

 I met a wonderful girl and we have been in relationship for more than one year. But the situation is that we are both married. All she wants is to have a relationship with me, and I feel the same way. We are happy with our relationship but, some day, it will end before it is too late and we hurt each others feelings. But she does not want to break off this secretive relationship, now, yet I am always conscious that we will be in trouble one of these days... please advise.
Double Duty

-----------------Miss Emily’s advice----------------

Dear Double:

You are right to think that if you continue with this relationship you could get into trouble.  Of course that means one spouse finding out, and it happens so frequently you’d think it should be included with the sun rising and setting.  The problem with affairs is that the players often become careless – leave text messages that others can access; the cell phone goes off at odd times – life seems too good or sex with the spouse drops off .  You have to be a really good actor to not give yourself away to your spouse and, maybe, this is the case for you.  You are not asking me to tell you to break if off, you are only asking me to confirm what you already suspect can happen if you continue.  I don’t pass judgment on this type of thing, because people get involved with others outside of marriage for all sorts of reasons.  But you are right in thinking that you are walking a fine line between safety and disaster.  In California, where I live, infidelity is not an issue when granting a divorce, but it can instigate a child custody battle that can spiral into something ugly.