Dear Miss Emily:

My boyfriend, of over a year, decided to take a break. We got
to a point of talk of marriage and, then, I realized he wasn't
there, so I stepped back a few days. He was upset. He further
told me now he needs his space. Its been very emotional. He
says that through our relationship, he realized he wasn't
putting forth a 100% and is now questioning why not and why
he isn't ready to marry me. He also told me that he has felt
like he wasn't good enough. He wants space to figure out HIM.
I love him and I know he loves me. We aren't seeing other
people. Can his feelings of inadequacy change? He wants to
see a therapist. He is adament that we do not date each
other right now. He also says that he can't make any promises
that it will work, or that it won't. He doesn't know what he
will figure out. I am so scared. Is there a chance that it
will work? Can he work through this? Are guys this insecure?
Should I continue to stand by him?
Heartbroken


---------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------


Dear Heartbroken:

Yes, it could still work, but let's step back a moment.
You pushed him away, hoping for what? That he would run after you
and beg for your hand in marriage? It wasn't necessarily a
mistake on your part, you just didn't get the result you wanted.
As for him, I never understood what is meant by the line "I'm
not good enough for you." There's a whole lot of B S in that
statement. He may love you, but he is not ready for marriage
and you might not be the one if he ever will be ready. You've
known him for a little over a year, and it was obviously too
soon to be thinking about marriage. Don't deceive yourself
by believing that he needs to find himself. My question is:
Where did he go? If he's sincere about seeing a therapist, that's
good -- for him, but it doesn't mean he will find his way back
to you. Sometimes love is not enough. Commitment is a big step.
Right now, give him the space he says he so desperately
needs, mourn the saddness of it all and, then, be stronger in
knowing that, next time, you might just get it right.