Dear Miss Emily:

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and 2 months already. We had broken up, once, and he was a total jerk about it. I tried to get him back so bad, but he was being stubborn about it. When I finally gave up, he came back to me and we were fine and happy. We would argue a lot, and that still occurs now. We really do love each other, but he’s already gotten to that breaking point where he's doubting our relationship. He says that I'm never going to change, and he's just confused on what he wants. We haven't broken up, just yet, but he told me to give him time. His mom and everyone else keeps telling me to just give him time, and he'll come back. Will time even do him good? Does he just need time to cool off, or is it because he really doesn't want to be with me anymore? Is it true that if he didn't want to be with me, he would have already broken up with me? I tell him that I'll change my attitude and everything, but he doesn't believe me. What should I do?  I feel I can't live without him, and if we give it another shot we'll be good.
Looking for Answers

--------------------------Miss Emily’s advice--------------------

Dear Looking:

I think I’d have to have a crystal ball to answer some of your questions.  I would love to be able to sit in on one of your arguments to see where the relationship is derailing.  But based on what you have told me, I will do my level best (and I’m pretty good at that if I don’t mind saying so), to help you.  First off, you saying "I can't live without him" is not true.  It would be hard, you two are used to each other, good or bad, and old habits die hard.  But here’s the thing: When people argue, it’s because they don’t agree on the matter at hand, or because they want to change that person, forever!  I can say this until the day I die (and probably will), but the best relationships are those where the two parties are compatible, respect each other, and are willing to compromise.  I don’t know if you are the biggest, insecure nag in the world, or he’s the most controlling bastard to walk the face of the earth.  But when you two have a problem, it  flares-up, you argue, and nothing gets solved.  You can say “But I’ll change.”  Why?  Do you need to change?  Is it because you are so scared of being without a man in your life that you incessantly try to convince him that you can change -- even when your entire being tells you it’s impossible, or it’s an unfair expectation?  Change comes only when someone realizes that what they are doing is negatively affecting their life, and others. Some people are not capable of making changes, even if their life depended on it.  But don’t compromise who you are unless you really feel you are an irrational bitch with unreasonable demands, and you suddenly had the equivalent of a religious conversion.  If you are weak and helpless, you will show your boyfriend that you are worth losing like a bad rash.  If he, when you really are honest with yourself, is truly not the guy for you, face it, have the courage to do something about it, and stop the madness.  It takes two to make it work.  If you don’t believe me, keep trying it your way, and let me know I was wrong.