Dear Miss Emily:

How do you deal with your boyfriend of 2 years, when he insists on being friends with a past lover because she had cancer.  The doctor operated on her and removed the lymph node and now has a potty bag for 3-6 months.  He drives her to hospital, spends afternoons with her, etc.  I can’t deal with this.  It’s too much, although he says he only likes her as a friend. Tell me what to do.
Wishing He Wouldn’t

---------------------Miss Emily’s advice-----------------

Dear Wishing:

This is tricky because a lot of people might say, “Wow, what a guy!  This is the kind of friend I’ve been looking for all my life.”  He’s doing something that most people would shy away from, but that does not mean there isn’t some legitimacy to your problem.  If you get pissy about this, however, you’re going to look like a shallow, self-centered  woman who lacks compassion for someone who is going though one of the worst things life has to offer.  She had cancer, she urinates in a bag, and she won’t really know if she’s beaten the big “C” for five years.  No, I think you’re going to have to bite the bullet and wait it out until she gets better and he no longer feels duty-bound to be the go-to friend in her life. Try to see that he’s a loyal gentleman who understands the true meaning of friendship and, at this stage, deserves a pat on the back.  Get involved when you can and show your support.  To do otherwise, you’ll end up making this former lover (who had cancer and uses a potty bag) look like God's gift to the world, next to you.  Give it more time before you expect him to ease off and resume a normal relationship with her.