Dear Miss Emily:

I have been divorced for 6 years and thought my ex was gay for about  5 ½ years now. She recently "came out " and is now totally flamboyant about the whole thing. We live in a small town and have two girls ages 7 and 8.  She used to be discrete about it but, now, is over-the-top. I am worried about my children.  Should I take her to court  for full custody?
Too Much Gay

---------------------------Miss Emily’s advice----------------------

Dear Too Much:

If your ex has finally come out, her flamboyant behavior may be a reaction to her repressed past.  True or not,  I still don’t see a reason for you going “over the top” and forcing her into court.  It would be much better for you and her to work together to raise your children with the reality that being gay is a fact of life and keep the hostility out of it.  Children often take on the prejudices of their parents.  If they see that you are opposed to the way your ex-wife is handling herself, it could have unintended consequences and backfire on the both of you.  Children do not like to be put in the middle of their parents  "issues," especially when one parent thinks he/she is righteous and pushes a situation that the children do not want.  Your girls love you and their mother, and I am going to assume that you and your ex love your girls and would do anything to make them happy and secure.  If you fight for custody (and I don’t know how far you would get depending on the state you reside), and your children are made aware that it’s because you think their mother is a deviant, you are opening up a Pandora’s Box.  My final suggestion is to ask your ex if she would be open to going to counseling with you to learn the tools that will be needed to guide your daughters through their mother’s “coming out.”  It needs to be dealt with, and accepted without prejudice.  By doing this correctly, all of you can go on with your lives free of the drama this type of situation invites.