Dear Miss Emily:

I`m so desperate.  I had a relationship for over a year.  It ended recently. My partner and I had an ok relationship but, in the last month, we started to argue a lot. Then he left the country for a business trip and we were contacting each other, and it seemed we were together. Suddenly I found out that he had some profile on the net which I had no idea about, and there were some friends there (girls). When I asked him about that, he said that this profile was old and he deleted it. After that, I had some suspicions and I found out that he stayed in touch with one of the girls by e-mails; MSN, Skype, even with SMS messages!  He told her that he was available, and I was hurt a lot, but he said that he corresponded with her while we were in our "argument-period.” After that we broke up, and I`m sorry because I wanted to forgive him. He says that it was too much, and he doesn’t love me like before but still wants to remain friends.  I don`t know what to do!  I want him so bad, and I tried to bring him back but, obviously, he does`t want me anymore. I`ve decided to give myself time to forget about him, but he e-mailed me yesterday and I didn’t answer him.  Today he e-mailed me, again, angry because I haven`t answered him. I said that I had to study.  After that, we started to chat and we had an argument, again, because he said that he has no time for writing, and I reproached him that he had time to write to her instead of me. They are not in contact now.  I don`t know what to do, please help me.  He will be back in two weeks from his business trip, and he mentioned that he would like to see me. I don`t know what to think.  He broke up with me, but still e-mails me!  We argue again and again and I lose hope, honestly. Should I stay in contact or try to forget him for good?  I`m hurt because he didn’t want me back, after all.  Help me, I'm desperate!

------------------------------Miss Emily’s advice-----------------------

Dear Desperate:

I’m stunned, and I’ll tell you why.  I read the word desperate in your letter more often than I’ve heard Sarah Palin say she and John McCain are Mavericks!  I get the point, but it makes you look ridiculous, because you should never define yourself in this way.  Desperate has the connotation of being willing to do anything to get where, you think, you want to be.  But why?  Don’t you believe in who you are?  Do you have to sell yourself to this guy to make him love you?  I recognize that there is a side to you that wants to let it go, but the other side screams, “But I need him to love me!” You two argue for many reason, and I’m guessing it’s because you are not compatible and, individually, want to change the other to your point of view.  The best relationships are good for two reasons: Each party is in agreement on core issues and is capable when letting trivial matters fall away.  It appears you two can’t do this, but refuse to face it.  You’re not done with him because it hasn’t reached it’s awful end, yet.  I’m guessing that you will still try to keep him involved, because you are insecure and are dealing with rejection.  And there is no one else to take his place.  It's hard to adjust to being on your own.  I don’t like his behavior, in that he had correspondence with another girl while still with you, but it looks like he was open to finding a better relationship.  Get your act together and stop appearing so desperate.  Why would anyone, in their right mind, want to spend time with a desperate you?  If I were in your shoes, I’d become the person you want him to be and see where that takes you.  Maturity and acceptance are key factors here.