Dear Miss Emily:

OK. So there's this guy that I met online, and have been with for over a year now, altogether ( I say altogether because we've broken up a few times, but always ended up back together). Throughout the relationship, I have trusted him and have always been faithful to him. I think our relationship has been strong and it looks to me like it could actually be going places. During our last breakup, we decided that we were, in fact, going to get back together, but that we needed some time apart. We decided that a month would be a sufficient enough amount of time. He's always had a short temper and even the smallest thing would tick him off. Well, during our 'break' he got angry with me over something very little, and decided to get back together with his ex-girlfriend to tick me off.  I, rightfully, was furious. I made him decide on whether he wanted to be with me, or stay with her.  I told him that if he were to choose her, I would be out of his life forever and would move on. So he chose me, and then promised that he would never make another mistake like that one, again – also, that he would sever ties with her and never speak to her. Our relationship became stronger with time, and then we got some news that his parents had enrolled him in a school far away from where he lives, in the fall. A few days before he was supposed to leave, his ex-girlfriend left a comment on his profile on a site that he's on, and it said something like "Be safe” and “ I’ll keep in mind what we spoke about." My heart dropped into my stomach, because my boyfriend had told me that he had her on his ignore list.  I then confronted him about this comment and asked what she was talking about.  He told me he had no idea.  My gut feeling was that it wasn't true, but I wanted to believe him, so I did.  The day came that he was to leave. A couple days later, his ex sent me a message telling me that he wants to be with her and things of that nature. Of course, trusting him, I told her what she was saying was wishful thinking on her part. She offered to show me proof.  I said "all right, let me see this forgery; it'll be entertaining."  She then showed me an IM conversation that the two had (while my bf had been telling me that he had her blocked} that spoke of how I'm the reason they're not together, and that he still loves her. And some emails they exchanged (while my bf had been telling me that he wouldn't ever speak to his ex, again) that had him speaking about if he and I were to drift apart, that he'd be with her again; basically reassuring her that they will once again be together. I spelling and writing were his style -- eerily identical to the way he would write them. I was devastated and cried.  I was very hurt and felt betrayal on a level that I had never felt before.  I was also very angry, but more hurt than angry.  I decided to try to contact my boyfriend so I could confront him about all of this, hoping to GOD that this was all a lie. Once I got a hold of him, I asked him about it, and he was lost for words. He didn't know what to say, because he knew he was wrong. I told him to at LEAST admit his wrong doings and he did.  It made me cry to hear him admit it.  Here, the man who had always been active in making sure that I'd be faithful to him, and truthful about my whereabouts, acquaintances, etc., admitting to have betrayed my trust. He apologized for it and said it would never happen again.  I then pointed out that’s what he had said before, and it turned out to be a lie. He was quiet, and then tried to assure me, again, by saying that I was the only one he wanted to be with. I believed it this time, but only slightly. Ever since he had betrayed my trust, I have been skeptical of EVERYTHING that he says to me.  Every day that I had been on the phone with him, I had told him that I had been worried about losing him and about the future of our relationship because it's the second time that he'd betrayed me(the first time was when he went out with her during our break). He then got angry and accused ME of trying to break up the relationship when, in fact, I'm legitimately concerned.  I then assured him that I wasn't trying to break the relationship up, only concerned. I also warned him that if he were to ever do anything of that nature, again,  I would leave him and move on, because I don't deserve that kind of treatment from any guy. He understood, and it wouldn't be a problem because he doesn't want to be with anyone and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He then offered that I come up with something that he could do to prove to me that he only wanted to be with me.  I rejected this, because I figured that if he really wanted to, he could easily hide anything from me considering that we cannot see each other. I tried to move past everything that had happened and began just talking about normal things that we would have talked about before this whole situation began. A few days later, he randomly asked me to marry him. I eagerly said yes, because I do in fact love him.  I’ve never felt this way about anyone, or connected with anyone the way I do with him. Another thing is that when I get into a relationship, I’m usually able to tell if it is going anywhere, and this is the only one that I actually feel confident about, but just wish that he would stop doing these hurtful things. But now I’m rethinking the reason why he asked me.  Is it because he does in fact love me that much (because we have spoken about marriage before, he just never proposed), or because he's afraid of losing me to someone else when it could have all been prevented? Please help me figure this out.
Fooled Me Twice

--------------------------------Miss Emily’s advice------------------------

Dear Fooled:

After having had several relationships, this is one you think you can feel confident about?  Oh, this guy is good!  I have to hand it to the liar who’s capable of taking an intelligent person (like you) and turning them into a blob of stupidity; and not just once, but over-and-over again.  It takes a certain individual to hone this skill, and he’s a master; and at such a tender age. Wow!  I’m wondering if sonny boy’s parents know he’s a pain-in-the-ass and shipped him off to solve the problem. You never say why the folks sent him away.  But I digress.  I think if you get married (at any age), to someone you, deep-down, do not trust, you might as well sign yourself into Heartbreak Hotel, and plan to live out your days (before you come to your senses) always wondering if he is lying and cheating. It would be a real ego-deflator, as well, if you were to be saddled with a child and spent countless nights waiting for Mr. Wonderful to show his face, only to listen to a string of lies about where he’d been. Your history with him is abysmal. His treatment of you is stunning, in light of the fact that you remained devoted to him and forever faithful.  At your age, you should plan to marry, prematurely, only if you can sit back and watch your friends get great educations in college, and then be able to pick-and-choose the best future for themselves, without feeling resentful.  My opinion, for what it’s worth:  I’d tell him you’ve come to your senses and encourage him to contact the other girl – you know, the one whom he told he loved and would be with if you weren’t the fly in the water glass.  But you know, in my heart, I think you won’t take my advice and, instead, will spend countless hours wasting your time on him until he meets someone at the new school, and you end up on his ignore list. There is a reason someone said, “Youth is wasted on the young.”  Are you going to be a prime example of this rather insightful quotation?