Dear Miss Emily:

I am so confused between these two guys!  I am married to one and he is in prison, but before he went to prison he was very abusive mentally and physically.  Now he tells me when he gets out he is going to be a better husband. Meanwhile, I’ve met a really nice guy and I think I could be falling in love with him. Now I am confused as to what I should do! Should I pursue a relationship with this new guy, or wait and see if my once abusive husband changes? I don’t want to do something I will regret, and I feel like I am wrong for feeling these emotions. The new guy is so sweet and nothing like my husband, but he has a child by another woman - not really a problem for me, but the woman is always starting trouble.  My husband keeps telling me how much better he will be when he comes home, but still says horrible things like I’m going to wish I stayed by his side.  I feel that he still doesn’t truly care about me, but I love him. I think I love them both! With the new guy, I feel so happy, and wanted. He is such a gentleman. He opens doors and calls me or texts every chance he can. I feel wanted for a change.  What to do???
Daring To Be Happy

----------------------------Miss Emily’s advice----------------------

Dear Daring:

I would not feel one bit guilty that you have found someone who treats you with respect, rather than someone who doesn’t deserve the time of day, let alone your devotion.  I’m always perplexed by the fact that there are women who love men that treat them like garbage.  I know that abusive relationships often become a battle of wills.  An abusive man is a power-driven loser, and the woman he abuses actually thinks she can, eventually, win him over.  But the chances of it working are slim to none, because an abusive man seldom changes his mind. And if he did, it would be because he got intensive therapy and not by making false promises from a moldy cellblock, using fellow felons as his advisers. It’s time for you to realize this before you spend another moment in the gutter.  This new guy does have some baggage, obviously, but it’s a no-brainer that he’s the better choice.  My only concern is for your safety.  This husband of yours has threatened you by saying you’re going to wish you had stayed by his side.  I take that very seriously, and so should you.  Start perusing the Internet for help with formulating a plan of action, before this dip is out of prison.  Plan carefully, document past physical and verbal threats.  Keep a low profile, and avoid putting anyone else in harm’s way.  And please don't jump into this new relationship without taking the time to see if it's really right for you.  Promise?  Good luck to you, and let me know what you decide.