Dear Miss Emily:

I had met a really great guy who was married when I met him, and I was with my boyfriend of 7 years. Things got heated between us very quickly, and we both really fell for each other. At the time, I felt for his wife as I had heard her call him whilst he was with me on a couple of occasions. She seemed so nice, but this didn’t stop me or him. I had always been against my friends getting involved with a married man but, now, look at me!! I split with my boyfriend, as I couldn’t do it to him anymore and knew that he could do so much better than me. Me and my married man both had a serious talk, and said how we felt for each other. He said he was going to leave his wife, but he wouldn’t tell her why he was going to leave her so she wouldn’t hold him back from seeing his son. He did say that it would be over a matter of time and wouldn’t happen right away, and I said that’s fine. It has now been 1-1/2 years, and he has still not properly left her. Well, only since May he has been living with me and stays at his wife’s house one day on the weekend to see his son. We both love each other, and I so badly want it to work, but I just feel that I have lost trust and faith in him. I have seen messages on his mob from his wife and they just seem like normal messages.  Some of them say that she is depressed, and they should be spending time together. Please help.  I don’t know if I should still keep on holding to what we have....?
Having Second Thoughts

--------------------------Miss Emily’s advice-----------------------

Dear Having:

I see this as a situation where everything is fine with this man (or mouse), as long as you don’t force the issue.  He’s got you, and he has a relationship with the mother of his child; a woman who would probably be more than happy to welcome him back with open arms.  He loves her, but he is in love with you – or so it would seem.  I don't respect a man who can’t make a choice on these matters, because he can still be a father to his child if he were to make a clean break with his wife.  I love ultimatums.  It turns a limbo state into a plan of action.  I know, you’re afraid if you make one, he might say, “But I can’t do it, now.  I feel responsible for what happened, and I’m still afraid she will alienate me from my son!”  Well, you know what?  He is responsible, but a father has a legal right to see his children, and he is no exception. Once you have told him what he must do, if he still drags his feet, you should have the courage to make the break. If you don’t,  your present feelings of frustration will turn into anger and resentment – and then you will give him an excuse to run back to his former life.