Dear Miss Emily:

First of all,  I am in a current 4 year relationship with my boyfriend. Things were great in the beginning, but as time went on, he and his son moved into my home due to the fact his home is falling apart (his home is not livable, trust me) Well, last Feb., my sister called me from up north. Her son, my nephew, got out of a relationship and had no where to live so I took him in. My boyfriend started getting very jealous of him being there. PROBLEMS STARTED BIG TIME! My boyfriend started getting very verbal and putting me down all the time. I have a great job, I pay all my bills, so I just couldn't put my finger on why he was treating me this way.  He works, but all the money he makes goes to his broken house, beer, etc.  He doesn't seem to manage his money well at all. Well, since then he and his son moved back to their broken home. My brother is starting a family and lives in a condo.  I sold my home to my brother, and I bought his condo!  I am moving at the end of the month. I haven't discussed this with him since it's not his home, it’s MINE! Now he is making comments about how he remodel my home and paid for everything there, and now I am selling it.  Most of the work was a gift and, I thought, out of love. But these past few days I have heard nothing but nasty comments insulting my family and all the things he is done on my home . I am so confused.  I love him, but I am tired of him being so controlling and nasty.  What do you think I should do?  Please help!
Sick Of It

--------------------------Miss Emily’s advice--------------------

Dear Sick:

It seems to me that your boyfriend doesn’t like you doing things your way.  Your house, humbug!  Your nephew, humbug!  If he preferred living in your home, with his son, I would think that any work he did on the house was payment for residing there.  But he obviously doesn’t see it that way.  If it’s now come down to a business deal, ask him what he thinks he should be reimbursed for his fix-it work. Shine any labor costs, since he was living in your home, and offer him the cost of supplies.  If it’s any more than you think reasonable, negotiate.  At least you have made an attempt to solve what, he has convinced himself, is the problem.  But you know it goes deeper than that, even if he refuses to admit it.  He is controlling and nasty and you’ve had it!  Condos are usually smaller than a house and that is a good reason to make it you home – alone.  When he calms down and can behave reasonably (if he’s man enough, that is), make sure your new relationship rules include respect for you and nothing less.  If he is incapable of giving it to someone who deserves it, you’ve finally seen his true colors and maybe it’s time to start enjoying your life without him.