Dear Miss Emily:

I am 18 years old.  I met this boy when I was in high school. We started going out when I was 15 and, last year, he ended it with me. I have been heartbroken for a long time. I know every girl has this problem with there first love, but I honestly don’t think I’ve ever gotten over him.  Last April, I met this boy, my brother’s best friend. He is 21 and I have been very happy since meeting him. Shortly, I will be going to University in the same city as him. He is amazing to me and truly loves me. Since being with him, my ex-boyfriend  has come back and he tells me that he has never gotten over me either, and he still loves me. I am so confused and don’t know what to do. A lot of feelings have come flooding back. I love my new boyfriend, but I think about my ex-boyfriend all the time. The only thing is, my ex doesn’t want me back!  He says we should wait, because it won’t work if we get back together now. He is very controlling over me and doesn’t treat me very nicely all the time.  But he says the most amazing things to me, about how he always thinks about me and he still loves me.  Please help.

----------------------Dear Miss Emily----------------

Dear Unsure:

I would fight like hell to maintain my present relationship and try to put into perspective what is really going on with your ex and what motivates him. You are with someone else, now, and that probably threatens him. He went out into the big world thinking there was more than you in it, and he didn’t get the kind of response he had hoped for.  It’s tempting to be caught up in his flowery words of praise and adulation, but “he doesn’t treat me very nicely all the time” is all I needed to read.  Ask yourself what has changed?  I see nothing other than his ability to control you, and that is not just his problem, but yours, as well.  Few people succeed when trying to relive the past to better their future.  History does repeat itself, but that old saying is never used in the positive but only in the negative.  Try to resist the temptation to turn back the clock unless you are 100% positive that it can be done.  Good luck at University!