Dear Miss Emily:

My boyfriend and I just got back together after a year break. During this break we both dated another person. I dated someone for 6 months which didn't work out. He met someone who was vacationing in our town of which they spent 3 days together and "fell in love". Immediately upon returning home, this woman booked a flight to come visit him. During that time, my daughter and I moved in and things are really progressing nicely. The problem is,  this woman still has her ticket to come and see him (staying in a hotel). I doubt she will cancel her ticket since she is coming from overseas. He has made her aware of our reunited family- she is young, no children and persistent.  He has showed me proof that he has told her what is going on. I can tell this "love affair" between them is basically a vacation romance. He is the type of man that hates to hurt peoples feelings. He sees a wonderful change in our daughter's behavior now that we are working things out and that continues to be the fuel for our fire. She is not supposedly coming until October 6.  I am just a bit afraid for my behavior if, and when this all happens.  Do I leave this all up to him and trust him?  Or do I lay my ground rules? I understand that this all happened while we were broken up, but how shall I handle this?
Trying To Get Along

-----------------------Miss Emily’s advice-------------------

Dear Trying:

Oh, my.  You are an amazing woman, although extremely naive.  Because the way I look at it, this whole thing is way out of line, and he should stop this visit now (it's only the 11th of September), no matter what the circumstances!  I know he is using the excuse he does not want to hurt her feelings, but what does he expect out of this?  He’s now the big brother and is going to show her the sights she missed the last time she was here, because they were too involved making love in her hotel room?  Do you come along with your daughter on these outings? I’m sorry, but there is no way I can tell you to sanction this visit, and if he’s too gutless (gee, I use that word a lot) to take the bull by the horns, I question your thinking that this is, maybe, okay, but you might need to lay out the ground rule. If he wants a future with you and your daughter, he needs to step up to the plate and cancel this visit.  If he can’t do this, I suspect the reason you broke up in the first place is because he has this weak side that you couldn’t tolerate before, but somehow think you can overlook, now.  Ground rules?  The chick cancels!  If this young thing needs some reimbursement for the ticket, send her some dough and call it a day.  Were she to visit, anyway?  Then plan on harboring a deep resentment that might destroy this new, happy environment you have created for the daughter he professes to love.