Dear Miss Emily:

My boyfriend and I had been dating for almost two years. We have had our share of problems, and we ended up breaking up because he doesn't feel like he can trust me with other men. We broke up early July and have been arguing back and forth about our relationship. He says he still loves me and wants to be with me but is afraid something else will happen. He says because of the arguments we have had, we aren't right for each other. He has also said that he felt that I could've been his wife. Now I have been fighting for our relationship and letting him know that I am willing to do anything to fix us. I suggested we start over and regain that trust and find our way back to each other. I even brought up counseling. When I mention that to him, he felt that is drastic because we haven't been dating long enough to do that and me suggesting that let him further know we shouldn't be together. We continue to talk to rebuild some sort of a relationship. Our feelings for each other have not changed, but he can't make a decision as to wether to give us that chance to start over. He says he wants to, but he doesn't. And I just don't know what else to do.  Our relationship is a standstill. We have all the feelings without the title. Please help.
Trying To Make It Work

--------------------------Miss Emily’s advice----------------------

Dear Trying:
You do not say why he does not trust you with other men.  If he is justified, then I can see why he does not feel comfortable about moving forward. If his concerns are not warranted, he will probably never trust you, because he has doubts about himself and he will most likely always be suspicious of your motives around men.  Either way, you two rehashing this ad infinitum is like beating a dead horse.  If he doesn’t think the relationship is worth seeking counseling, then I’d get real about what's really going on here and stop struggling to save something that cannot, or should not be. Sure, relationships do not always go smoothly, but if you have had this much trouble keeping to together with him, I’d listen when he says the arguments you have mean you are not right for each other. Why make yourself look desperate and let him hold all the cards?  It’s demeaning, and you should realize this before you suffer any more blows to your sense of self-worth.