Dear Miss Emily:

Well, I don't know where to begin.  I am crying and shaking right now.  To tell you a little background on my relationship.  I am a 27 year old female, and I am dating a 37 year old man. We have been together for 2 ½  years and he has a 7 year old daughter, and we get along great.  I couldn't be happier.  I met him through work, and our relationship is strong, or so I thought. A few weeks ago, he had a day off work to go golfing, so when I got home from work, I got on the computer to check my mail.  Well, he had forgotten to sign off the computer.  It was on a website called Horny Matches.  I don't like to be nosey, so (I had to write down his screen name) then I signed off.  I told him that night, "thanks for the nude pics on the computer."  His face got a little weird look and he laughed it off.  Well a few days later, I just had to see what his profile said on that I looked it up. To my surprise, it says he is bi-curious and would like to meet another couple.  I wanted to see how far he would go with I made a "fake" profile to his exact wants- a couple looking for bi-male for fun.  I winked at him a couple times, and he emails this fake profile saying he is interested and would like to meet sometime.  I had to email back seeing how far he would take this, so I just emailed saying "we" were interested in him to, and when would he like to meet.  He emailed back, asking if this Saturday would work for us.  It so happens that I am going to be out of town with family this coming weekend, so I won't be around.  CRAP!  He wasn't really supposed to email this fake profile back that I made.  I am heartbroken!   What do I do?  Part of me would love to make arrangements for him to meet this "other" couple, and pretend that I am still going out of town and, then, when he goes to meet this couple, it’s really me waiting there to meet him.  It sounds harsh but, man, what he is doing is wrong!  I don't know what to do or how to handle this.  Please I need your help!  I am devastated.  I only have 6 days to figure something out.  I hope to hear a response soon.  Thanks for your time.

--------------------Miss Emily’s advice------------------

Dear Tempted:

Oh, how I love a challenge, and your suggestion to show up at the scene is a finale to a good job of detective work.  But I cannot, in good conscience, tell you to do this – but go ahead if you must.  I will say, however, if you confront him by telling him what you found on the computer, and you extended that knowledge to creating a fake profile, he more than likely will deny he had any intention of following through but was only curious, or "the Joker."  He might also go ballistic when he finds out you invaded his privacy.  The song and dance he will perform over this will probably warrant an Oscar nomination!  But no matter what method you choose to confront it, the fact remains that the idea of having an encounter with a woman and man, means that he’s interested, or has already done it in the past.  Does this make it wrong (as you stated)?  In my book, sexuality is a private matter, and nobody has a right to pass judgment.  That said, you thought this guy was completely straight, your committed partner, and not available to share his person with anyone else but you -- male or female!  You are shattered by what he has done, and I can only imagine how you are hurting.  This is a clandestine part of his life and he, carelessly, let you in on it.  But you have every right to know this about him. Whether you set him up, again, or confront him on the basis of what you now know, you are going to have to decide if you can live with a man who wants to be a player in sexual games as an adjunct to his relationship with you.  By what you have said, you will not go along with this in any way, shape or form.  Don’t blame yourself, it has nothing to do with you.  Some men desire to explore sex with other men.  If this is the first time he’s pursued this, maybe he would find out it was not his cup of tea, and his fantasies were better than the reality.  Who can say?  I had a psychology professor tell his class that there’s no such thing as being bi-sexual.  That if you want sex with a man, you are flat out, no questions asked, a homosexual. But I don’t buy it.  I truly believe that there are men who like to have it both ways – it’s thrilling to them, and they love the idea of spreading their wealth, so to speak.  In past societies, this was acceptable behavior with powerful men. Your guy is no Roman emperor, that’s for sure, but he may think he’s one.  Let me know what happens.