Dear Miss Emily:

I have hit rock bottom. I have been in a long distance relationship for nearly 3 years, and I have royally screwed it up. My boyfriend and I started to talk marriage.  I am 26, he is 28, and I was like, yeah, we will get married, but I never gave him any concrete dates etc., which I think a normal person would have. His mother was terminally diagonsed with cancer and was given a few months to live. I visited a few times and told her, yes, I would tell my parents about  the marriage plans, but I did it a half-assed manner. I told my parents but, again, never set a date for our families to meet, etc. It just never got to the next level because of me. I think I was scared of marriage and moving out of the country, etc., but I still do not know. Anyway, he called me after weeks of zero communcation and said she was in the hospital and she will only probably live a week or so. I was ready to go, but never made it when he needed me most. He called and said, “Where are you? I can’t believe I am saying this, because normally people show up without being told.” I said I am coming and, then, he said don't bother and hung up. I regret it so much but, again, something in my stupid head stopped me from going. On the 26th of August, his mother passed away, and I received a text saying, "My mom has passed." I text him saying, “I am sorry.”  I did not want to call him, as I would be the last person to provide him comfort since I never showed up. Yesterday, I called and I asked him about the service.  He let me know where it was, but he said, “I will not stop you for paying your respects but please, please, let me say good-bye to my mother without worrying about you.” He said he was at peace and has no ill feelings for me and that he is done with me. I keep thinking in my delusional head, I will get him back, like always, but I don't know. Should I go to the funeral? I want to pay my respect but, at the same time, I want him to say good-bye to his mother without my pathetic-self lurking around. Please help me. I lost the best thing in my life, because  I was afraid of being an adult and getting married.  I am a coward!  PLEASE HELP
Lacking The Right Stuff

-----------------------Miss Emily’s advice----------------

Dear Lacking:

I think you have beaten yourself up enough, so I won’t kick you when you are down . . . although tempting.  You wouldn’t be the first person in the world to accept a proposal and regret it in the morning.  Your long-distance relationship lacked the togetherness and intimacy that most couples need in order to make the leap into marriage.  You care for this man, and your brief flirtation with the idea of marriage seemed like a natural progression of a three-year relationship. But it was not the right time, and he is not the right man.  I believe you stayed put while his mother was dying, because you knew it would have pressured you into a deeper commitment during a vulnerable time in this man's life. Attend the funeral only if you were close to this woman and loved her.  But it will do him no good if you show up out of some misguided sense of obligation, or a chance to make you appear warm and caring, after weeks of non-communication and a no-show at his mother's deathbed.  Perhaps when the dust settles, you can have a heart-to-heart talk with him and tell him the truth.  Oh, what a character building experience that would be!  And finally, do the honorable thing and let him get on with his life, without you trying to reel him in, again, because his justified rejection of you has damaged your ego.