Dear Miss Emily: So despite what everyone told me at first, I started dating this guy who is a lot older than me. When I first met him, he was in a relationship with another girl whom he still curently lives with due to some financial issues. He, his ex, and I spend a lot of time together, but i seem to have gotten myself in quite the situation. Once he told his ex that he liked me, she was very happy and wished us well. But once he and I started getting a little more serious, she started doing little things to keep him under her "reign" if you will. I am not the only person who noticed this and told him so, and he agrees but seems to do nothing about it. This was back in the spring, its now August and she dropped the biggest bomb that crushed him and me. She's pregnant, 6 months pregnant... i know, i feel in my gut she did it on purpose, because she knows if she has his child he is forever bound to her. He even said to her numerous times that if she is pregnant she needs to "take care of it", which she ignored. She's a very smart girl, and she has been taking his money and putting it towards herself, when he thinks she is getting his half of the bills paid. I am a little younger than she is, but she swears that she's the smartest girl in the world in trying to manipulate our relationship. When he told me this I really didnt know how to react. I am very confused, I am so mad, I feel hurt, and I feel so sorry, yet so excited for him. But at the same time, I know that it really isn't about me...he says that he's not with her, but he will take care of the child. He will even take full custody, and he and I will spend time with the baby and do what we want to do. But I can't help but feel like shes going to keep jeopardizing him until I can't bare it. He and I don't even do anything, cause shes always ruining the little time I have to be with him alone. I love him but, at the same time, I feel like I dont know all of him. And I want to. I want the opportunity she had to get to know him. I know that if he and I can make it through this, not too much else will break us. There have been many many many situations like this and he has expressed to me how much he adores and appreciates my patience, and might I say it is one hell of a virtue. But my main issue is that he and I have a hard time communicating about issues that exist in his and my "exclusive" relationship, i find it very hard to express myself without him getting mad. Because of this, I usually keep to myself all of these intense feeling. But since none of these things are talked about, I feel like its making it harder for me to be with him. I guess I would like to know how I could express to him that I love him and I am willing to stick by him. I feel hurt by this situation, and I am afraid that she may push him into another situation where I can't stand to sit and play quiet with my feelings. And that if things dont get sorted out, I might want to be alone because I feel like I am not getting the chance that she had, I feel like I am getting the "poop end of the stick" so to speak. I just need an unbiased opinion. Any advice is better than none, and I appreciate you taking the time to read this. Please dont be afraid to be honest, I need all the honesty I can get, haha. Second Banana ----------------Miss Emily's advice-------------- Dear Second: Okay, here's the unvarnished truth: You're situation is ghastly and, if it were me, I'd run for the hills. Being in love isn't meant to include a pregnant ex and her ability to call the shots in your relationship with him. I don't know when this pregnancy happened, but it seems awfully close to when he started seeing you. I like to think of myself as a free spirit of sorts, but my view of this is that you are being extremely naive, and you will be horribly hurt in the end. You are young, and this guy is playing you. I don't know how he thinks he can raise this child with you -- get custody, as if the mother has no say in it. It all sounds so absurd and unrealistic that it doesn't even make for a good movie plot. I say, if you have the smarts, leave this man, find someone closer to your own age, and start living your own life. One where you are in control, rather than letting some older dude and his ex call the shots and, then, think it's okay as long as he tells you he just "adores your patience." That said, if you still expect to have any decent type of relationship with this man (after all I have said), you should, at least, get her out of your daily lives, ask him to make her prove this child is his, and insist he get some balls -- and not the kind he used to get himself in this situation, if indeed he is the father of this woman's child. If you are not willing to do these things, you pretty much have nothing to complain about, because you are making choices that you know spell trouble, yet you are still wiling to sign-up for it. I know, it all sounds so crazy, doesn't it?