Dear Miss Emily: Here's the situation: My friend has been in love with a guy for about 3 years. She teaches with his mom and when they first met, they went on a date to which he quickly decided that she was not his type. Lori remains friends with the family and attends all family functions because her family lives in another state. They treat her like a daughter. However, she is still very persistant and continues to inquire why "J" will not date her. She has been with other guys over the past 3 years, so its not like she is waiting for "J" to suddenly change his mind about going out with her. I just moved to the area and she and I became great friends. She has helped me transition from my move, introduced me to people and etc. All in all, she has been a great friend. Well, one day she invited me over to "J's" parents for dinner and said that he would be there so I could finally meet him. In the car over, she says "I hope you like him. Maybe you guys can start dating, then at least one of us would be dating him" To which my reply was: "I never met the guy so why would you make an assumption like that?" So I meet him and as luck would have it, he and I hit it off really well. So then my friend proceeds to invite him to come out the next weekend for my birthday. Well, we ended up getting along really well, there was some flirting, but I tried not to make a big deal about it because I know how she feels about him. After dinner, the 3 of us went back to his place to stay the night and my friend was getting upset because "J" and I kept goofing off and making stupid jokes. She swears that 'J" and I slept together, that night, but we didn't! I slept on the couch. So after a week of not talking, she called me to talk about the situation. She says that she absolutely hates Justin and wants nothing to do with him, and how much that is going to hurt her relationship with his parents. Basically she gave me a choice saying that if he is in my life, even as a friend, then she can't be in my life. However, to let her know when he and I stop talking so that she and I can be friends again. My problem is I realize the pain that Lori is going through, however she needs to get over him, because he obviously doesn't like her. I really like Justin, but I don't know that this is worth hurting a friend over. It's been about 3 weeks, now, and I have attempted to call Lori to see how she is doing, to which she replys "I appreciate the phone call but remember if he is in your life, I am not." So do I get rid of J" or not? "J's" mom, who teaches with my friend, has advised me in saying that she can be really petty about things and that she thinks "J" and I should stay together. Please let me know what you think... Damned If I Do --------------Miss Emily's advice------------ Dear Damned: I agree with "J's" mom. See where this thing goes with her son, without having to feel as if you are betraying your friend (or soon to be ex-friend). She baited you to date him, and when you and he showed some interest in each other, her words were used as a weapon against you. I can see how her ego is shattered, but it was bruised long before you entered the picture. Her accusations concerning your night with him (the one that she attended) were coming from a deep well of jealousy. What was she hoping for, a three-way? Go figure why she suddenly hates this guy, but I guess his overt interest in you was a reality jolt to her delusional thinking. If she chooses to make demands on your friendship, so be it. It is manipulative and controlling. I am sure there is much to like about this friend and, indeed, it was sticky from day one. But again, she either lied or changed her mind about you having a go with him. it would be wise to cut off all communication with her while you pursue a relationship with "J." After all, she set the new terms for your friendship, she shouldn't wonder why your number doesn't show-up on her cell. Sadly, she's not only cutting you out of her life, she's setting herself up for a big fall with "J's" family! How stupid is that?