Hi Miss Emily,

I'm in a bind here not knowing what to do, and I really am in need of your advice. My son was in a relationship with this girl  for 2 and a half years. They went to the same college and graduated this past spring. The day after graduation she broke up with him. I have to mention that she lived with us. I used to cook for her, wash and fold her clothes, buy her anything she needed from pads to foot powder! She never shared with expenses.  My son took care of all of that. He paid for her membership at the gym, and even got her a personal trainer.  He deposited money in her account when she was running low or over-drafted.  I could go on and on about how good he was to her.  She had to move to another city after they graduated, so she just decided it wasn’t going to work out. But the way she went about it, she sent him an e-mail telling him that she stopped loving him 6 months prior to them graduating, and was really mean, He tried so hard to get back with her but she wouldn’t even take his calls. He was devastated! Apparently, she got into a relationship with this other guy (2 weeks after they broke up), and had pictures of her tagged on Facebook.  They were hugging and very lovey-dovey, so I decided to save the images just in case. Well, she called him a week ago and told him that she missed him and wants to get back with him, and she swore up and down that she hasn’t been with anyone.  I know otherwise.  My question is should I show him the pictures? I feel that she wants to use him again.  She did mention that she was broke. I don’t know what to do.  I don’t want to hurt my kid, but I believe she's using him again until she finds something better.  Please advice me as  I  don’t know what to do.  I don’t want to be one of those evil mothers, but I do want what’s best for my son. Oh, and I forgot to mention that she was in a 2 year relationship with this other guy before she met my son, and I heard she did the same to him. He was also broken up. (she is big time ADD btw).  Thank you.
Only Wants What’s Best

-------------------------------Miss Emily’s advice--------------------

Dear Only:

This girl took advantage of you and your son, and you and your son let it happen.  I know how easy it is to cater to the young. You wait on them hand and foot, and it ends up to be a thankless job. Some of them have they heads so firmly lodged up their rear end, they don’t even know how ungrateful they are, even when those around them seem happy to accommodate their every need.  Somewhere in your mind, you thought this girl needed your help, your maid services and your money.  Why?  I don’t know.  The right circumstance would have been to expect this girl to pull some of her own weight and be a responsible human being.  But neither you nor your son asked for it, and she wasn’t going to let go of a good thing.  If it were me?  I’d feel a slight pang of guilt but, then, I’m not 20 something, and my “it’s all about me days” are over.  I would sit down with your son and have a frank discussion with him concerning this girl and her new intentions.  Don’t belittle him by making him feel foolish if he’d take her back, but let him know how you feel about mistakes you had made by enabling her inability to be self-sufficient.  Tell him that if he lets her back into his life, it’s his business, but you cannot be expected to welcome her back unless she has proven that she is not seeking a safe financial harbor, after being exposed to the cruelties of the real world. Set new ground rules in your home, and expect your son to honor them.  By being firm, but kind, you are showing by example and, hopefully, your son will appreciate your strength and honesty.  If your son is so terribly weak when it comes to this girl, showing him pictures of her cuddling with another guy will not deter him.  Rationalizing is our way of doing what we want, even when all the signs point to failure. Again, build him up by telling him that you trust he will make the right decision concerning this girl – a decision that reflects his intelligence and worthiness of respect.  It that doesn’t work, your son is setting himself up to learn the hard way, and there is little you can do about it.