Hey Emily, here is my situation... So I am 17, and I have been dating my boyfriend for just over 3 months. Before this, we were friends for 3 years. Anyway, we have a really good relationship.  He has always been here for me, like my uncle just passed away recently, then my aunt did a couple days later, and he was there for me throughout the whole thing; even when I ran to him with tears and mascara running down my face. I love him so much, but one thing in our relationship is holding us back..  I cant kiss him, like I cannot make the first move. Like, we have kissed, he kisses me all the time, but if we are lying there, I cannot just lean over and kiss him. He has tried to help me, but nothing has helped.  Now he is just getting frustrated, as am I. He told me it hurts him, and I understand why. If he didn't kiss me, I know I would feel like he didn't want to, and I would be very hurt, as well. We constantly argue about this (like we just did again today). The thing is, I really want to be able to just do it, but I can’t.  I get too nervous, and I freeze. He says he can deal with it, but then 2 seconds later he says that if we keep talking about it, he will freak out and it won't end well. We have almost broken up over this several times. I don't know what to do anymore. I do not want to lose him over this, because we have been through so much to be together, and I am not giving up that easily.  Please, I need your advice before I ruin the best thing I have.

---------------------Miss Emily’s advice-----------------

Dear Pent-up:

If you are truly into this guy, I mean, enjoy the romantic aspect of it, I see no reason to beat yourself up about not being the aggressor.  Today, we see girls and women sharing equal responsibility in relationships, and we sometimes lose sight of the fact that we are all different and nothing is cast in stone. If we base our view of the world on what we see on television and in the movies, all “girls have gone wild,”and nothing else exists.  Believe me, not everyone is sexual uninhibited where nothing is too difficult to attain. There is too much pressure on you to perform, and it’s gotten out of hand.  Try your hardest to get to the root of the problem (and only you can know), but don’t harbor any guilt.  If your boyfriend does not understand this, then it is time to set him straight.  If he’s the great person you say he is, he should back off and give you time to work this out.  If not, he will drive a wedge between the two of you and he will destroy the great thing you have going together.  It’s possible that you will think there is something horribly wrong with you, and it will grow into something larger than it is.  I’m not saying there isn’t some problem, but trust yourself to figure out what it is, and go from there.  If I were you, I’d show him this e-mail.