Dear Miss Emily:

I’ve never done this before, but here goes.  Me and my ex have been broken up for 8 months after a 2 ½  year relationship. We went through so much.  We were long distance for our first six months(she left for school) and a ton of things; even a near death car accident together. We broke up, once, and it was for 2 days. We loved each other so much. She decided to end it saying she needed time, so I gave her time.  Then she somehow lost the love for me. She recently turned 21, and I’m 23.  My guess is that she wants to experience things since she turned 21. We talk every week.  Most of the week, we tried to go our separate ways, but we just can’t.  I know she’s been dating, and it doesn’t bother me too much because it’s her life.  It hurts, but recently she been saying that "all guys are jerks,” but I’m not one of them. We’ve been talking more often. We met today.  She brings up old times and we laugh, I even got her flowers. The smile on her face was worth it.  She’s the type who won’t share how she feels – you have to find out on your own.  How would I find out if we might get back together, or why we can't stop talking to each other? I’m not too good at reading signs.  Please help me.  It’s driving me nuts!  I really hope she does want to get back together.  Thanks you for reading this.
Not psychic  

------------------------Miss Emily’s advice--------------------

Dear Not:

Your relationship with her has morphed into the good ol’ reliable friendship category.  With all you have been through, together, the bond is one that often goes unspoken. Reading this makes you want to scream, right?  I understand why she wanted  to explore other options.  At this age, when you are trying to figure out who you really are and where you are headed in life, it’s easy to wonder what might be missed if you settle for just one way of doing things, and one relationship.  You’ve done a great job, so far, in trying to figure out why this has happened. And I am positive that she gets the message that you want to turn back the clock.  However, she still needs time to figure out what direction she wants to take, and nothing you do will change that.  You might want to shift gears and concentrate on what direction your life is taking -- and gird-up for the possibility of your ex choosing to continue her quest without you.  She told you what she wanted when she broke up with you, meanwhile, she’s kissed a few frogs and you are not one of them.  That’s nice, but not a green light for you two getting back together.  A person often learns more about an individual by what they do, rather than what they say.  Not everyone has the guts to verbally speak their mind.  Free yourself of what you wish will happen, and show her a side of you she might have missed.  And that’s a guy who has the ability to go after what he wants, but not at the expense of losing his sense of self.  Not to add insult to injury, I’m including an old poem that seems to fit your situation.

When I was one-and-twenty    
 I heard a wise man say,    
Give crowns and pounds and guineas    
But not your heart away;    
Give pearls away and rubies            
But keep your fancy free.’    
But I was one-and-twenty,    
 No use to talk to me.    
When I was one-and-twenty    
 I heard him say again,            
The heart out of the bosom    
 Was never given in vain;    
Tis paid with sighs a plenty    
And sold for endless rue.’    
And I am two-and-twenty,            
And oh, ’tis true, ’tis true.   A. E. Housman