Hello Emily,

This might take a paragraph or more.  Here’s the gist of it:  My husband and I have been married for only one year. You see, we have loved and known each other since I was 15 and, now, I’m 23 and he is 25.  I was in the service, which separated us for a couple of years. We fought all we could to stay together.  He is now in the service and deployed. I have tried and tried to get through to him about how much I love him, but he doesn't seem to listen. He doesn't show me affection, and doesn't tell me he loves me. On July 27, it will be one year since I saw him last, which was when we got married. Anyway, I don't know what to do. I know he loves me, but it’s so important for him to show it to me. We were really in love about a year ago, and when we were in high school together. When I talk to him about how I feel , he tells me that I’m just being a woman, and stop thinking about it. I am the only real relationship he has ever had, and only sexual partner. I just need answers! My friends aren't giving them to me, probably cause they don't know what to say. I cannot let go of him.  He is my soul mate, and I still believe in us. We both hurt one another, emotionally, in the past couple of years.  I’m sorry if this seems random.
Aching Heart

---------------------------Miss Emily’s advice------------------------

Dear Aching:

Your circumstances are less than ideal for a marriage to flourish.  I am sure that you love each other, and that should not be questioned.  However, you were gone for two years and, now, your husband is far away.  Everything that you have together is being tested by the distance between you and . . . “The War.”  That alone, creates emotional feelings that bring a whole new dimension to this relationship. Now it has become a test of endurance.  If I were you, I would not let words create damage that cannot be repaired upon his return.  I know how hard this is to do, but table any requests for undying love, for you, during his active military duty.  It may be that the decision to get married, before he left, was a way to keep emotionally connected to home while facing an uncertain future.  Physically living in one world, and trying to maintain a foothold in another is difficult, at best. You may not like how this story ends, but you should not aid any failure of your marriage by showing your insecurity regarding his love for you. Give him pep talks, tell him you love him, and you will be here when he returns. If you become a support system to him while he is gone, you create a foundation that will you give you a head-start in trying to mend any past differences.  I wish you much success.