Dear Miss Emily:

I have been dating this "J" for 9 months.  I have very deep feelings for this man and he says he cares for me. But when I ask where we go from here, he says “this is it.”  The sex is great and his family likes me.  His friends call me his woman, but he doesn’t. To him, it’s like friends with benefits. What should I do?
Looking for more

--------------------------Miss Emily’s advice--------------------

Dear Looking:

I tend to take men at their word, because they usually tell it like it is (this excludes all habitual liars).  The problem with that?  Sometimes women can't accept the truth, even when it’s solicited.  There’s not much you can do to make this a committed  relationship.  You can threaten him with “I want more and you can’t give it, so, bye-bye!”  But the sad reality is that he would probably follow-up with, “Well, I will miss you, but if that’s what you really want, I wish you all the best.”  If you have fallen in love with him, the longer you stick around, the harder it will be to let go. It’s possible he will come around, but nine months should be enough time for him to have figured out what he wants from this relationship.  “This is it,” pretty much spells it out.