Dear Miss Emily: My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 years now. Two and a half years ago, he proposed. Now he says he's not ready for marriage. I thought that marriage was the next step after the proposal. He says that hes not ready, but he doesnt know why. He can't seem to give me a timeframe or any suggestions on what to improve. He can't seem to give me any answers at all. Why could this be? It's tearing me apart. We are engaged but it just feels as though we are still just boyfriend and girlfriend. We never discuss a wedding. When I do, he stops talking. Please Help! Fed-up -----------Miss Emily's advice---------- Dear Fed-up: This is the second letter I've had concerning this subject, recently, and it would probably be a good idea for me to go back and cut and paste. But I'll pretend this is new to me, because it might take forever to find the other letter. What can you do? Well, if marriage is what you really want and this jerk who proposed to you 2 1/2 years ago is not ready, I'd tell him it was fun while it lasted and give him his ring back (assuming you have a ring). You've waited long enough for some movement on this issue and nothing has happened -- not even a hint of what century he might consider taking the big leap. He's played you like a violin and you have allowed it. The only thing you have to improve upon, is your choice of men. Another option would be to pick a date for the wedding, ask him if he'll be there, and if he says "No, I won't," you have a choice: Continue to stay with this commitment-phobic S O B, or, find someone who is interested in creating a life that includes an honest commitment with marriage. Your self-esteem must be in the pits. Don't let him continue to write your future. This guy simply does not want to get married! The sooner you realize this, the quicker you can move on with your life and free yourself of his belittling treatment of you.