Dear Miss Emily:

I have been dating "Dave" for 8 years. I am a 49 year old mother of 2. I was married once, and so was he. We have both had other relationships, and he has 3 grown children. He is 20 years older than I am. Here is my problem. He wants to retire and move back, from California, to the Midwest to retire in his hometown. I have 2 grown children, nearby, in college, and have a decent job. He wants me to move back to his hometown with him, but no marriage commitment. I own my own home out here, 2 hours from my children. I have wanted him to want to marry me for years. I guess I figure he is damn lucky to have me, as I am so much younger and  have my act together. I finally gave him an ultimatum, and he said, "Fine, see ya!" I am so sad, because I still love him. Should I try to move back with him, rent out my house and have him get some life insurance for my security and forget the marriage issue? I am not religious. It has to do with the security thing and the feeling that marriage is an act of love. What should I do?
At a crossroads

-------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------


Dear Crossroads:

You may have your act together, but not when it comes to this man! Marriage is less of an issue than what you will be leaving behind. Why would you be willing to give up everything to be with a man who is not the least bit concerned about the sacrifices you'd be making, let alone his "write me when you have a moment" attitude? Walk away. Keep your home, your job and your relationship with your children. That’s your security. After he moves, plan to visit him. I think you’ll see that a life insurance policy on a man twenty years your senior doesn’t look quite so appealing.