Dear Miss Emily:

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year, now, and everything in our relationship is perfect except for one thing –  we never have sex! We had a normal sexual relationship in the beginning and the gap between sex just grew over time and, now, we are spending months without it. We are very much in love, and we spend a lot of time together ( we work together) and our job is very hard.  So I understand he is tired.  I know that he is not cheating for a fact. I’m 100% on that.  But I feel deeply depressed that the one thing wrong in our relationship is that we don’t have sex. We are very attracted to each other and we have talked about it.  He feels very badly about it.  Do you think this is a physical problem, mental, or do you think he is just too tired from work?  How do I bring sex back into our relationship?  I am becoming very depressed with this issue! Please help. Thanks.
Not Feeling The Love

-----------------------Miss Emily’s advice----------------------

Dear Not:

I am not going to sugarcoat this problem, because it is a huge problem.  You seem to be the one “in the mood” to have sex, and your boyfriend is not.  What would be appropriate is to make time to bring romance into your relationship, and sex would follow.  You have not been together that long, and I am going to assume that your job situation was the same when you first started dating.  What has changed?  I think your boyfriend has a low libido, often masked when sexual attraction, in the early stage of the relationship, is at its zenith. He needs to address this with a professional to find the reason why this problem exists and how he can correct it.  Is it a physical or a psychological problem?  You see, some men refuse to face this head-on and that, alone, is a statement about the individual.  He can talk about how much he loves you, and he can feel bad about it, but that does not make it all right if he is not willing to seek help.  In time, you will end up with a frustration level that will be (believe it or not) beyond what you feel now.  My final words of advice?  Do not blame yourself. If you are in doubt about how to proceed, make an appointment with a therapist. By doing this, you will find emotional strength and insight.  If you choose to tell him that you are doing this, and he implodes, you will learn more about him in that moment than all of the months you have been together.