Dear Miss Emily:

I got married about 8 months ago.  My husband and I have been together, though, for about 2 1/2 years.  In the beginning of our relationship, I caught him checking other women out, which I hated.  I find it completely disrespectful, and I would rather not be with someone who did it. I eventually got the courage up to tell him I hated it (about a year and a half ago. He used to say he didn't know what I was talking about or that he wasn't looking at anyone.  When he finally admitted doing it, he promised he wouldn't do it again.  Now I'm super suspicious.  I can't forget or move past it.  Every time we are in public I worry that he's checking someone out.  And if I see him looking at another women, I get upset.  He has relapsed a few times in the past year, and now it's to the point where even if he's just glancing at another women, I'm mad.  I can't forget, forgive, or trust him again.  I'm suspicious, and I don't believe him when he tells me he hasn't done anything.  It's affecting our relationship in a very bad way.  What should I do?  Please help.
Sick of it

--------------------------Miss Emily’s advice-----------------------

Dear Sick:

Well, let’s take a look at the possibilities: He’s an inconsiderate bastard;  He’s a red-blooded male who can’t help himself, yet it’s a harmless, although annoying habit; he’s totally clueless concerning how much this has disrupted the chances of you two having a harmonious marriage and finally; you are overreacting and being suspicious is taking it too far.  Many women have looked at this situation in two ways: They realize that looking isn’t cheating, and it’s basically an activity that they can live with, despite it's base, primal nature. The other approach is to let it eat at you like a cancer and always see it as a personal affront – a way of saying that you aren’t good enough and, therefore, he’s checking out the future possibilities.  If it were me?  I wouldn’t jump to any conclusion as to his fidelity because he’s checking out other women.  You are in this marriage eight months, and unless you married him for other reasons than love and his sterling qualities (minus this gross indecretion), I’d back off and concentrate on what he brings to the table. Otherwise, this will destroy your marriage and you may regret taking this too far.  Now, on the other hand, if you’ve finally realized that this is just one of the many negative things that he does to drive you up a wall, seek counseling on why you married such a jerk and get out before you have kids together.                    
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