Dear Miss Emily:

There are times when I am extremely happy with him. And then there are times when I feel like he doesn’t even know I exist. I grasp the fact that relationships change over time. Couples become comfortable with each other and don’t have that new feeling anymore. I’m not asking for that. Maybe for him to just show me something, anything! He used to always text me or email me sweet things like, “I miss you and I love you. Hope you have a good day” and, now, very occasionally I get something sweet from him, but it’s usually because I initiate it. I will text him “I love you,” and then he responds. He is a mechanical engineer student, and works maybe 10-15 hours a week. He is very devoted to his school work, but I need to feel he is devoted to me, as well. We are planning on moving in with each other in about 3 weeks. However, I am starting to second guess if that is the right decision. I love him very much, but I do not want to move in and then be stuck in another dead-end relationship. I have been there and done that before. I can’t tell if he has lost interest or if he is just a busy guy. We have been together for a year now, and I used to KNOW he would be the guy I would marry. Now, I wonder if he even knows he is in a relationship! It feels very one sided sometimes. I wrote him an email explaining how I felt. It was a lengthy email and I told him how much I felt for him and that I wanted our relationship to go to the next level. I asked him if he felt the same way after reading my lengthy email his response was “Yes.” That’s it!!  Am I overreacting? Some one please help!!!!
Second Guessing

----------------------------Miss Emily’s response-------------------------

Dear Second:

You are right about relationships changing and these stages unfold the longer you are together, but that doesn’t mean that it’s a bad thing – it only means that one has to be aware of the changes and work hard to maintain the relationship as these changes occur.  Guys (the ones who are not neurotic or gay) seldom overanalyze relationships.  They don’t seem to have the capacity.  And if they do, it’s the best kept secret.  Your b/f is a mechanical engineering student and works 10-15 hours a week.  He’s a busy guy with a lot on his plate.  His thinking processes must be moving at breakneck speed to fit everything in.  It’s unfortunate when having fun, and love take a backseat.  Sure, maybe he could try harder, but he’s hoping that you will understand and make allowances. You are going to have to sit down and discuss with him what you expect when you move in with him.  How will the chores be divided? You do not want to become a live-in maid, because he’s just "too damn busy."  Agree to make time to be together for outings (dinners, movie, seeing friends).  Like all relationships that work, it’s an ongoing process of adjustment.  Be aware that there is a fine line between maintaining a healthy relationship, and letting it slip away – to become lazy, and lose the very essence of what you had together. It takes two to make it work, and he needs to understand that it’s a 50/50 proposition. After you move in together, keep busy with your own interests and don’t depend on him to keep you entertained. Today’s society demands more of our time in terms of work, and stress is a huge factor in why many relationships fail. Try to beat the odds and give it your best shot before throwing in the towel.