Dear Miss Emily:

I've known this girl since last fall. She lives overseas and we met twice in February and fell in love. Hopefully, I'll visit her again in August. I have a problem, though. Even though I'm pretty sure I love her, one of the things that's clouding my thoughts is a promise she's made many times -- once we break up for real (as opposed to breaking up for a day or two, which she's done to me about a dozen times so far), that's it for good; she'll never speak to me again. I wish it weren't that way -- I'm attached to her, not just as a lover but as a friend too. She says she just wants to forget about me as soon as possible if it does end. Is this fair? Is it normal? (I'm 23 but this is my first relationship so I wouldn't quite know.) Why do you think she made this promise to me?
All or nothing

----------------------Miss Emily’s advice-------------------

Dear All:

I don’t think it’s normal at all.  How could she be so sure of the outcome before it’s happened?  In matters of the heart, anything is possible.  It’s not a mathematical equation!  Maybe she’s been seriously hurt in the past and this proclamation is nothing more than a defense mechanism kicking in. But I’d be wary of someone who drops a bomb before the war begins.  I can see her saying this once, maybe, but many times?  Tell her how you feel, and if she’s still resolute, you have one stubborn girl on your hands (hint: that’s not good). I understand that this is your first relationship, but that doesn’t mean you have to settle for less. You may not believe this now but, it’s possible that, one day, you’ll never want to see her again!