Dear Miss Emily:

I have two children,by two different fathers who do not want much to do with their children. I have been in countless terrible relationships.  I just recently left a man I was with for 2 years when he started to show signs of being abusive. I left when I was 7 mos. pregnant. I now share a 3 month old daughter with him, but he has no desire to claim the child as his own, and I am ok with that given the circumstances of his behvior. I recently had a visit from my child hood sweetheart and still to this day my best friend. He lives in another state, but we have always remained friends. When I saw him, we fell in love. He asked me to marry him, and I accepted. There is nothing that I want more.  I have always loved him and he has a deep connection with me. We want to live in his state, because he has a very secure job. My family is angry with me, saying that I am, once again, moving too quickly and that I am being irresponsible with my daughters by moving them and letting him into their lives.  Like I said, I don't have the greatest track record with relationships. I want to be with him so badly. I love him so much and he means the world to me, he always has. Am I being selfish and irresponsible by choosing to be married and to move to a different state?  Thank you,
confused mom

----------------Miss Emily's advice-------------

Dear Confused Mom:

This opportunity sounds like a good deal, but I can understand the trepidation that your family is having with this.  Children need care, and the best you can offer.  This is the time to make a list and weigh the pros and cons.  Make sure that the fathers of your children (who seem so uninterested) aren't suddenly going to make trouble for you if you tell them you are leaving the state. They may surprise you and want to assert their parental rights.  Men can be "funny" like that!  I hope you are getting child support, because these men owe it and you should not let it slide.  Now, if this man is truly as wonderful as you say, and he is willing to be a strong guiding force in your children's lives, this opportunity seems worth taking.  Presently, you really offer your children little by showing them a mother who seems to gravitate to the wrong men and they are the product of poor choices. The reason you've picked the wrong men, I would assume, is because you have low self-esteem issues and you are easily led into unstable relationships.  Who are you?  And what do you want?  When you find out, make sure the children benefit, and you are ready to commit to the new family you will create. Otherwise, in your case, the chance of history repeating itself is practically a sure thing.  I wish you success, but wishing is something you do when you blow out birthday cake candles.  Make solid plans based on reasonable circumstances, and your chances of winning this one will increase dramatically.