Dear Ms Emily.

I am a 34 year old man, and I have been with my ex gf  who is 30 for the last 2 years. We had our ups and downs (like most people I guess) but, on the whole, I was very happy in the relationship. I love her, and I liked almost everything about her. The main issue was not being comfortable with, what I felt, being second to her family -- that is, her mother (her father passed away). When her mom wishes to go out, it's a priority, and I have to skip. To make things worse (from my perspective), her mother is the possessive type. She wants to keep all her children around her. Even when her younger brother is going out, she tries to persuade him not to, and to stay with her inside. I also got to know, from my ex, her mother did not approve of our relationship. I am mentioning this issue, because it was (what seems to be) the fatal blow to our relationship. She asked me whether I would go live with her for good, and I replied that as things are (myself feeling an alien to her not as family), I would not be comfortable with such a move. So she dropped the relation there. 3 days later she messaged me to tell me that she was in pain (emotional), and I replied that I am ready for us to see things through, and try to rectify. t I even tried to talk her into it, but she did not want that. Then, 2 weeks no contact. Soon after, we happened to meet in traffic and she honked to me. The next day she messaged me that she cannot look away from someone whom she loved for 2 years, and maybe loves him still. I did not answer. Now it is 1 month from this message, and 6 weeks from when we left. In the meantime (about 3 weeks ago), as a side note, she deleted me from her friends on facebook. What in your opinion? Should I keep up not contacting her, or do I get in touch? Keep in mind that, overall, I was very happy with this girl when we would be alone, and with no outside pressure it would be the best time ever. I thank you in advance for your reply
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--------------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------------

Something told you that you could not live with her when her mother, as controlling as she is, has ill feelings for you. That battle you may have never won -- but the sad thing is, people often fight them in a relationship no matter that fact. You cannot live in isolation with her. Of course you had good times with her when you and she were alone. But that was a percentage of your life and hers -- and hers includes a possessive mother who thinks it's okay to disparage you, and hold her two children hostage because she can't create a life of her own after the death of her husband. I am sure your ex feels the pressure. However, if she wants a complete relationship with you, she has to be willing to set boundaries with her mother and be rational about what she can, and cannot do for her. I feel for your ex. She seems to be caught up in it, but for her to tell you her mother does not approve of the relationship, it may take a magic wand to change it. You could go back with her, but I don't think anything will have changed. There's a fly in the ointment called "Mom" and you cannot, or should not be in a relationship with her, feeling as you do -- an interloper in their family unit. Couples counseling could help if she's on board with it.