Lost Love
Hello.  I just got divorced after 10 years. It was a bad marriage –  my ex hub would hit me and did drugs. In 2007, I met this great guy and we fall in love. He was so good to me and my two kids.  But I didn’t know how to handle it because I had never been treated the way he treated me. I had a birthday party for him, and his friends and family were there. Well, I got drunk and made a fool of myself and called him a nigger and broke up with him. He was heartbroken. The next day I apologized, but he said he couldn’t do it anymore even though he stilled loved me. After a few weeks, after going to visit him family, he said he wanted nothing to do with me. I went crazy and cut his tires. After a month or so, we then started hanging out as friends (with benefits). I wanted him back but he said his heart is broken and in pieces. He has kids by another women, but he doesn’t want to be with her, or me, because his friends would think he was stupid. Yeah, I screwed up. If I could do it over again, I would. We still get together sometimes and, one day, I found out I was pregnant. I told him in a text message but he never wrote back.  His friend called me, when he was drunk, and basically told me this guy didn’t care if I was dead – that I was trying to get pregnant to keep him  I keep telling myself he needs space, but I don’t know and, now, I'm sure that I truly love him and want him. What do I do?  Help, I’m so brokenhearted.   My friend said, Give him space and when he’s ready to talk he will call me. He loved you and he just can’t turn that off."  But he must be listening to his friends. Thank  you.
Lost It

--------------------------Miss Emily’s advice--------------------

Dear Lost It:

Your letter sounds like a sad movie that, in order to watch it a second time, I’d literally have to have a gun to my head. You were married to a man who hit you and did drugs, but you seem outrageously out of control, as well.  You called this man a nigger, slashed his tires, treated him as if he were dirt, and then dropped the pregnant bomb on him.  Gee, what’s not to like?  I’m sorry to make a joke of this, because I know you are being quite serious in asking for my help.  But when you describe this type of behavior to me, and then think that you can say, “I’m sorry," to him, and "let’s move on,” I’m wondering if you are ever going to be capable of seeing the whole picture.  You have children, and that alone should make you think twice before you act out like a schoolyard bully.  But I see that’s not the case.  So okay, this is the advice I will give to you and hope it will sink in:  Do not drink, because if this is a problem in your life nothing will get better until you stop. Understand that after doing these things to this man, he may never want a relationship with you (If he did, I would question his sanity).  Take a long hard look at yourself and figure out why you would ask someone to love you when you really don’t love yourself.  Self-loathing creates a world of hurt.  You want to be loved, but when someone treats you well, you do everything to destroy that love because you feel unworthy. You have been treated poorly all of your life and you are programed for this.  But if you are not willing to make the changes in your life that would correct the habits that produce outrageous, irresponsible behavior, then there is nothing I can tell you that will make this go away.  I hate to be so brutally honest, but it’s time someone told you the truth.