Dear Miss Emily:

My husband and I were separated, and he was seeing another women. I started to see this guy that he found me sleeping with, and we had a fight about it.  During that time, I have been asking my husband for money and not this other guy.  We decided to get back together and, now, we keep fighting about this.  How can we move on, and how can my husband forget about this?  I have forgiven him about his affairs. He  keeps calling this girl and going to her place. She has been mean to me.  I love my husband and I want to have a healthy relationship with him.  What should I do?
Sleeping With the Enemy

---------------------Miss Emily’s advice------------------

Dear Sleeping:

Money is power, and when women don’t have it, they often surrender themselves to the men in their lives who do. Your husband is able to apply a double-standard when it comes to his women, because he knows that he has this power. In his thinking, you are to accept these terms and shut-up about it until HE changes his mind on the subject.  How can you alter this dynamic?  Not easily, unless you are willing to make your own money and increase your power within this relationship.  Not all men are as lousy as your husband concerning these issues, but that’s little comfort when it’s happening to you.  In the short-run, you can put your foot down and tell him that you insist he stop seeing this woman, make a commitment to improving your marriage, or you will make other arrangements -- and mean it!   You separated before but, if you do it again, make sure you have the funds to free yourself of this man, financially, until a divorce settlement is reached.  This of course, depends on how long you have been married.  You could end up with nothing!  However, don’t let him control your life, unless you feel totally helpless when it comes to changing your situation for the better.  That would be unfortunate, but not uncommon.  Remember, if you allow this man to treat you like a doormat, be prepared to have him wipe his feet on you.